The Snowman (2017) Review

With apologies to Robert Lopez, Kristen Anderson-Lopez, and Kristen Bell…

Do you want to see “The Snowman”?
It’s not really all that good,
It’s got Fassbender
And Ferguson
But neither’s in the nude…
They adapted Nesbø’s novel
And now we’ve got
This dreary murder myst’ry
Do you want to see “The Snowman”?
You might not want to see “The Snowman”
Are you sure?
Well let’s see…

So what’s not good about “The Snowman”?
The plot is riddled through with holes
I think the makers overreached themselves
They should have had more time
Or realistic goals
(Hang in there, Tomas!)
It gets a little ropey
At the halfway point
The story just melts away…

(Drip-Drop, Drip-Drop, Drip-Drop, Drip-Drop, Drip-Drop)

Look, the cast is brilliant
But they’ve got nothing to do
The killer’s obvious, the motive’s not,
Bad Kilmer dubbing too.
It could have been a classic
Of Nordic Noir
Instead it’s ‘Norwege Nil Points’
It’s very pretty, is “The Snowman”
But it’s pretty much “The Snowman”
We don’t want.

4/10