The Hurricane Heist (2018) asks Geostorm to hold its moonshine.

Sky Movies make their second foray into the burgeoning original movie market with “The Hurricane Heist”, an action thriller that has more producers and executive producers than it does cast members, always a sure sign of quality.

Following the death of their father during Hurricane Andrew in 1992, Will (Toby Kebbell) and Breeze (Ryan Kwanten) grow up to be a meteorologist and disenchanted veteran mechanic respectively. But when a Category 5 Hurricane once again threatens their sleepy Alabama town, a gang of thieves see it as the perfect opportunity to steal $600million from a nearby Federal Mint.

There’s a tedious inevitability to many of the scenes in this rushed and ignorant movie from the director of “The Fast & The Furious”. Building out from the atrocious and clumsy script, Director Rob Cohen bravely decides that continuity, coherence and credible performances are all unnecessary preferring to rely on his wildly miscast actors to muddle their way through while a grab bag of lacklustre special effects is deployed to try and shore up the flimsiness of the plot.

In terms of its understanding of meteorology, “The Hurricane Heist” makes “Geostorm” look like “An Inconvenient Truth” but in place of the endless conference calls, we get the Facetime and the fatuous as characters hamfistedly blurt out ‘important’ plot points to each other which you won’t need to remember because the movie assumes you’re so dumb it’ll need to repeat them several times anyway.

For a movie which takes the piss this much, it’s almost breaking the fourth wall when the movie literally stops so some characters can take a piss and it’s not the weirdest pacing moment in a movie which seems to have no grasp of pacing whatsoever.

Cursed with leaky sets, corny accents, a breathtaking disregard for physics, common sense and some performances so wooden you fear they may be uprooted by the inexplicably Death Eater Dark Mark-branded hurricane, this is spectacularly inept filmmaking and everyone involved in it should be ashamed and/ or punished.