Tails, you win. Two heads, we lose! 2-Headed Shark Attack (2012) #SharkWeak2 Review

Spending a semester at sea conducting research sounds like a dream come true, right? Not when your expedition finds itself under attack from a mutated two-headed shark! Thankfully the boat is stranded near an abandoned atoll but when the atoll itself starts sinking, no one is safe from the monster!

Given the title monster has twice the dental prowess of any of his movie rivals, “2-Headed Shark Attack” is ironically a rather toothless affair. Practical effects are used for the shaky close-ups of the kills but no amount of camera judder can disguise the bendable rubber teeth as our cast of good-looking students are gobbled up two-by-two, like a carnivorous Noah’s ark. Many of the kills are laboriously set up to happen in pairs, just to play on the (unexplained) mutation of the movie’s big bad but, as usual, many of the victims perish in water that’s far too shallow to hide the shark’s approach, never mind allow it to move effectively or, you know, actually live.

The digital effects for the shark and the sinking atoll are of the usual Asylum standard, which isn’t bad considering there probably wasn’t a lot left in the budget after paying for named guest star Carmen Electra. It’s money well spent too, as her character spends most of the movie sunbathing on the deck of the boat while the rest of the gang are whittled down due to various misadventures on and around the island.

Unusually, “2-Headed Shark Attack” seems to be aiming for a slightly more ‘adult’ feel because, in addition to the plentiful death and horror, there’s actual nudity (although not from Electra) as, finally, a bad shark movie makes good on its many bikini teases and shows actual boobs.

It’s a desperate and tacky ploy to prop up this dumb, misogynistic and cheap nonsense. Without a satisfying explanation, the two-headed shark never manages to be more than what it is: a stupid, attention-grabbing gimmick and as the stupid character and plot decisions start to pile up one after the other, and the effects get increasingly shoddy, no amount of titillation can rescue this one from sinking without a trace.

1/10 

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