Look! Up in the sky! It’s absurd! It’s a shame! Yes, it’s Super Shark!

Imbued with special powers by a toxic waste spill, mild-mannered ocean dweller Shark Kent dedicates himself to using his newfound abilities to fight for truth, justice and…nope. As fun as that movie would be, “Super Shark” is just another killer shark, bikinis and bites B-movie. It does, at least, open excitingly in media res with a poorly animated CGI battle between a shark that can somehow leap around on land and a ‘walking tank’. In a genre that usually tries its best to keep the shark hidden for as long as possible for suspense and/or economic/ credibility reasons, you have to admire this ‘show and tell’ opening for its bravery if nothing else.

Starring John Schneider (“Dukes Of Hazzard”, “Smallville”) as the dastardly Roger Wade, CEO of the polluting drilling operation which created the bullet-proof mutant shark and Sarah Lieving as Dr Catehrine Carmichael, a crusading marine biologist, “Super Shark” leans so heavily onto the environmental sub-theme that it topples over and squashes it flat.

For a professional sharksploitation flick, the acting is particularly wooden and the effects are very, very cheap. The shark growls, of course, and yet it still has the best of the otherwise leaden dialogue foisted upon the rest of the flesh and blood cast. The writing is terrible, with dreadful character ‘development’, clumsy exposition battling with a lack of explanation in other areas makes for a frustratingly dull screenplay that even an arbitrary bikini contest can’t per up.

Far from super, it’s a very, very ordinary movie. Even the make-up is substandard and the kills aren’t great either. Witless rather than witty and tediously repetitive, “Super Shark” may hold a record for the least kills in the water (unless you count the crew of the submarine?) yet never explains why or how the shark can go on land, and even “Sharkenstein” managed to explain that one away. This movie is sharksploitation fan kryptonite.