Sharkansas Women’s Prison Massacre bites off more than it can chew

The overlap between crappy sharksploitation movies and softcore titillation remains vanishingly, thankfully, small despite the occasional flash of gratuitous boob so it shouldn’t really come as such a surprise that a grindhouse title like SHARKANSAS WOMEN’S PRISON MASSACRE comprehensively fails to live up to any of the sleazy promise its title pun inspires.

When Arkansas Fracking Industries explosive activities open up an underwater fissure releasing a prehistoric shark from its confinement, it spells trouble for a work party from the nearby State Women’s Prison who have been tasked with removing tree stumps in the local swamp.

Before I summarise what a dull and disappointing bad shark movie this admittedly wonderfully titled SHARK WEAK entry is, I do need to give it some credit. Not for the acting, of course, and certainly not for the script which is so padded that Eva Herzigova could’ve worn it on a 1994 billboard. No, the thing that genuinely caught my eye was the special effects. Not all of them, admittedly, but the ones where we get a glimpse of the monster shark scything through the swampy water. There appears to have been a real attempt to animate not just the shark itself, but some physical effect on the surrounding water and environment. Whether by accident or design, I appreciate the effort.

Effort in other areas, unfortunately, is something SHARKANSAS WOMEN’S PRISON MASSACRE is sorely lacking in. Mixing sophomoric sexploitation with seafaring slaughter can prove to be a guilty delight as evidenced by the likes of PIRAHNA 3D the this all just feels so tame and half-hearted. Writer/ Director Jim Wynorski is no stranger to B-movie fun and erotic hijinks since the 1980s but there must be few who would have believed the esteemed director of the likes of THE BARE WENCH PROJECT 2: SCARED TOPLESS or THE WITCHES OF BREASTWICK would line up so many adult actresses only to produce something so unremittingly bland and spiritless. With a body count of only six, having blown the potential of the Women’s Prison setting, it hardly justifies its claims of massacre either.

Not that gratuitous nudity would have saved SHARKANSAS WOMEN’S PRISON MASSACRE, but it would at least break up the cheap monotony of the stilted dialogue scenes and risibly ramshackle plot.