Shark Bait is close to being the Platonic ideal of a bad shark movie
Shark Bait (also known as Jet Ski but changed presumably so that people would realise there’s a shark in it) sets out its stall as a Spring Break fantasy, opening after the obligatory underwater title sequence on an impossibly curated beach party full of tequila shots, fire-spinning and flashing (away from camera). The party buzz is harshed by an encounter with a legless local who rambles an unheeded-until-it’s-too-late warning about a “jaquetón blanco” but before long they’re back to partying the night away and into the next morning. Spring break is, of course, a time for youthful exuberance and bad decisions and while the former explains much of the initial plot set up of Shark Bait, the bad decisions part takes on a metatextual quality as it described not only the events of the film but also the choice made by you, the audience, to watch them unfold.
Lamenting their last day of their holiday, Tom (Jack Trueman), Tyler (Malachi Pullar-Latchman) and Greg (Thomas Flynn) spy some jet skis and break into the rental office to steal the keys. Convincing the girls, the neon-clad Milly (Catherine Hannay) and the more reluctant Nat (Holly Earl), to join them for a quick spin before heading back to the beach for breakfast churros, the boys instead decide to play ocean chicken, with predictably disastrous results. One of the jet skis sinks immediately, the other is damaged and will not start and Greg’s leg is broken in spectacularly bone-through-the-skin style. Stranded, with blood in the water, the gang find themselves at the mercy of a great white shark that’s probably come to see what all the fuss is about.
There are certain formulae for a certain types of bad shark movie and Shark Bait efficiently chooses its tropes to get us straight into the action with a minimal waiting time. Despite being on jet skis for all of five minutes before their stupidity earns its richly deserved reward, they seem to be entirely out of sight of the shore, which seems unlikely at best. As they discover that their remaining floating jet ski is also broken, the film intercuts back to the shore to show that their stuff is either being washed away by the sea or cleaned up by the long-suffering locals. Any trace of our characters is being wiped away as surely as you’ll want to erase this movie from your memory once it’s finished.
While it boasts decent production values and the effects are decidedly in the above-average category, the plotting is achingly predictable, the characters are a tick-box exercise in cliché, and the performances can’t prevent the leaden script from sinking into the depths. Anyone who’s ever watched a shark movie can guess the sequence of events and the fate of each character. The film hits every shark movie trope without adding anything new, making it feel more like a checklist than a narrative. There’s Tom, the arrogant jock, whose character development amounts to a superficial and entirely irrelevant revelation about past infidelity; Milly, the busty, free-spirited party girl and participant in said infidelity; and the drippy but oh-so-obvious final girl Nat who, improbably, is Tom’s actual girlfriend.
Given the characters are so unlikeable, it’s hard to care if they’ve treated each other shittily in the past, let alone root for their survival against a shark that might just be doing society a favour. Their reckless decisions and incessant bickering add an unnecessary irritant to the mix, meaning the longer the movie goes on, the more you’re pulling for the shark to put them out of our misery. The exception might be Tyler, who takes on the requisite role of “person who swims for help.” He’s easily the most likeable of the group, and it’s a shame the movie doesn’t focus more on him rather than the melodrama à trois sitting atop the defunct jet ski. As for the shark, both the practical and CGI effects are actually pretty good, meaning the supposed villain of the piece might just deliver the best performance of the movie.
Shark Bait offers a familiar but uninspiring ride for shark movie enthusiasts but its studied mediocrity doesn’t do it any favours. Not good enough to be good, it’s not anywhere near bad enough to be so bad it’s good. If watching five whiny, entitled teens being eaten up by their first world problems before being eaten up for real, then maybe this is the movie for you but for everyone else, this is one bait you’ll want to switch – off.
