All aboard: next stop chaos.
Bullet Train is a riotous concoction of stylised carnage and winking self-awareness, a high-speed blend of action, comedy, and just enough existential angst to remind you that even assassins have bad days. Directed by David Leitch – Hollywood’s go-to for movies where punches land with the crispness of a vintage comic book panel – it’s a film that dares to ask, “What if your therapy homework turned into a bloody game of Cluedo, set on a Japanese bullet train?”
Brad Pitt stars as Ladybug, a hitman trying to live his best Zen life, albeit one riddled with bullets and bad luck. Pitt leans into his goofy charm, delivering a performance that’s like if Rusty Ryan from Ocean’s Eleven went on a mindfulness retreat and accidentally signed up for a murder marathon. Sporting a bucket hat and a perpetually bemused expression, Pitt’s Ladybug is refreshingly laid-back even when everything around him is hurtling towards chaos – and occasionally through a window.
The train’s passenger list is a rogues’ gallery of colourful killers and schemers, including Aaron Taylor-Johnson and Brian Tyree Henry as Tangerine and Lemon, a squabbling double act of British assassins with a brotherly bond strong enough to survive even the sharpest barbs (and blades). Taylor-Johnson’s moustache practically deserves its own billing, while Henry’s Thomas the Tank Engine obsession offers an absurd yet oddly touching character quirk. Their chemistry is electric, and the film slows just enough to let their banter breathe, only to crank the pace back up with a gunshot or a well-timed pratfall.
The rest of the ensemble is just as game, from Joey King’s serpentine schemer to Andrew Koji’s brooding father on a mission of revenge. Even Hiroyuki Sanada and Michael Shannon get in on the action, lending a bit of gravitas to the otherwise gloriously silly proceedings. The cast knows exactly what kind of movie they’re in, and they play their parts with a gleeful sense of fun that’s infectious.
Leitch’s background as a stunt coordinator is on full display here, with action sequences that are meticulously choreographed and occasionally absurd. The fights are as inventive as they are brutal, whether it’s a punch-up in a narrow train carriage or a battle involving a deadly snake. It’s all slickly shot, with just enough stylised flair to keep things visually engaging without tipping into the garish. If anything, the constant momentum of the narrative occasionally feels like it might derail itself – but it’s hard to complain when the journey is this much fun.
The script, adapted from Kōtarō Isaka’s novel, is packed with twists and turns, most of which land with a satisfying thud. There’s a touch of Tarantino-lite about the film’s structure and dialogue, but it’s more playful homage than pale imitation. The film also has an almost cheeky obsession with fate and coincidence, tying its various subplots together in a way that’s often hilarious and occasionally poignant.
Bullet Train isn’t perfect, but it knows it doesn’t need to be. It’s a popcorn movie with a capital P, revelling in its absurdity while still delivering enough thrills, laughs, and – dare I say it – heart to justify the ride. Whether it’s Pitt’s perpetually exasperated hitman or Lemon’s surprisingly insightful worldview courtesy of Thomas the Tank Engine, the film serves up enough quirky delights to keep you hooked from station to station.
