Immortality never felt so dull.
While some films can be said to suffer from sequel fatigue, The Old Guard 2 may be the first to succumb to sequel narcolepsy. A film about immortal warriors with centuries of battle behind them should not feel like it was assembled by committee during a particularly lifeless pitch meeting, but here we are: a Netflix original so determinedly flat it could be used to level shelves.
Picking up in the aftermath of The Old Guard, where Quỳnh emerged from her underwater exile and Andy was newly mortal, The Old Guard 2 trudges through its runtime as if burdened by its own existence. Where the first film managed to sneak a few fresh moves into its well-worn genre choreography, the sequel stares blankly into the middle distance, meandering through plot points as though its vaguely aware none of them matter. The result is a movie that treats immortality with all the dynamism of an lukewarm afterthought.
Charlize Theron returns as Andy, still brooding and battle-scarred, but now apparently carrying the added weight of contractual obligation. It would be unfair to single her out, though. The whole cast seem trapped in a collective energy-saving mode, cycling through rote dialogue and lacklustre fight choreography with the weary air of a repertory company rehearsing for a production they no longer believe in. KiKi Layne’s Nile, once the franchise’s emotional centre, spends most of her scenes striding meaningfully through corridors. Chiwetel Ejiofor, reprising his role as ex-CIA agent Copley, floats through exposition like a man regretting saying yes to re-upping his contract. Even new additions like Henry Golding (as the mysterious Tuah) and Uma Thurman (as the villainous Discord) feel stranded in a script that gives them little to do beyond posturing.
The action scenes – which could have been the film’s saving grace – are a procession of bland, weightless exchanges. Hits land without impact, gunfire sprays without rhythm, and the editing seems designed to suppress rather than showcase any sense of physicality or urgency. At times, it’s hard to tell if the characters are invulnerable or just disinterested in whether they win the fight. You have to admire the film’s dedication to making the audience feel the full tedious weight of immortality, but The Old Guard 2 manages it effortlessly.
Director Victoria Mahoney, stepping in for Gina Prince-Bythewood, brings little in the way of escalation or vision and it assumes you’ve rewatched the first one in advance of pressing play on part 2, offering nothing in the way of a recap or reprise, displaying an erroneous faith in how memorable the first movie was. Any attempts at emotional resonance are so half-hearted they barely register, and the lore dumping lands with the damply leaden thud of a soggy paperback being dropped on laminate flooring. If Nile’s joining the team was supposed to be the franchise’s beating heart, here it’s barely a thready pulse, constantly on the brink of flatlining.
The Old Guard 2 is bad, but not in any of the good ways. It’s not terrible in a flamboyant or fascinating way; it isn’t gleefully trashy or absurdly misjudged. It’s simply inert. A 125-minute soporific. An action film that forgets to be thrilling, a fantasy that refuses to enchant, a drama that skips the dramatics. Worse still, it feels like nobody involved actually wants to be there. Not the cast. Not the crew. Not even the algorithm that greenlit it.
By the time the credits arrive The Old Guard 2 hasn’t just failed to justify its own existence, it’s had the temerity to end on a cliffhanger, hammering home just how daunting eternity can feel when you’ve already had to endure the slow passage of time to this point.
