How do you make a Venetian blind? Force them to watch Shark In Venice (2008) #SharkWeak2 Review

How do you make a Venetian blind? Force them to watch Shark In Venice (2008) #SharkWeak2 Review

A movie so non-union equivalent it could have been directed by Senor Spielbergo himself, “Shark In Venice” dives deep into classic Spielbergian action adventure (in ambition if not quite execution) and boasts a cast led by undeniable Hollywood A-list-adjacent talent. When his father disappears while diving in the city of Venice, David ([Stephen] Baldwin) travels ..

Draining this swamp just reveals more garbage. Swamp Shark (2011) #SharkWeak2 Review

Draining this swamp just reveals more garbage. Swamp Shark (2011) #SharkWeak2 Review

“Swamp Shark” sees us returning to the safe waters of the insert-unusual-place-in-front-of-the-word-‘shark’ format and this time we’re back in the Louisiana bayou for a third time, once again in the company of Kristy Swanson, this time tackling our first proper cryptid critter of #SharkWeak2. When an animal smuggler accidentally releases a rare and exotic shark ..

The power of Christ compels you to avoid Shark Exorcist (2016) #SharkWeak2 Review

The power of Christ compels you to avoid Shark Exorcist (2016) #SharkWeak2 Review

This weird, excruciatingly badly made movie opens on a nun walking through a graveyard while a newscast voiceover reports a local nun accused of murdering and torturing thirteen local boys and girls. It’s one of a number of things the movie talks about but never shows us. But given the quality of what it does ..

Atomic Shark (2016) is a real bomb. #SharkWeak2 Review

Atomic Shark (2016) is a real bomb. #SharkWeak2 Review

There’s no denying the ambition of this frankly barmy entry in the sharksploitation oeuvre, opening as it does with an ominous montage of underwater scenes intercut with Cold War newsreel footage and Robert Oppenheimer quotes. It’s the closest we get to a real explanation of how the shark became nuclear, so just go with it. ..

Sharkzilla (2004) is the Phantom Menace of bad shark movies. #SharkWeak2 Review

Sharkzilla (2004) is the Phantom Menace of bad shark movies. #SharkWeak2 Review

“Sharkzilla”, known everywhere apart from the UK as “Megalodon”, is a 2004 TV movie set on a deep sea oil rig which breaks through to a hidden undersea ocean. If that sounds familiar, it bears an uncanny resemblance to the first two-thirds of “The Meg”, although this film manages to tell the story without once ..

Revenge is a dish best served tepid in Shark Week (2012) #SharkWeak2 Review

Revenge is a dish best served tepid in Shark Week (2012) #SharkWeak2 Review

“Shark Week”, very much not to be confused with the annual Discovery Channel documentary-thon, begins mis-en-scene, with Tiburon (an almost unrecognisable Patrick Bergen) taunting his poolside victim like a cut-price Bond villain/ Jigsaw hybrid. Ultimately our unfortunate introductory victim takes the plunge and bites the big one…well, gets bitten by the big one. So begins ..

Ghost Shark (2013) has to be seen to be disbelieved #SharkWeak2 Review

Ghost Shark (2013) has to be seen to be disbelieved #SharkWeak2 Review

Conceptually, this may be one of the best bad shark movies ever. I mean, it’s still terrible, but what an idea! With tongue firmly in see-through cheek, this is one of the funniest and most fun bad shark movies ever made. When rednecks on a dynamite fishing trip kill a great white shark, its body ..

Tails, you win. Two heads, we lose! 2-Headed Shark Attack (2012) #SharkWeak2 Review

Tails, you win. Two heads, we lose! 2-Headed Shark Attack (2012) #SharkWeak2 Review

Spending a semester at sea conducting research sounds like a dream come true, right? Not when your expedition finds itself under attack from a mutated two-headed shark! Thankfully the boat is stranded near an abandoned atoll but when the atoll itself starts sinking, no one is safe from the monster! Given the title monster has ..

Jersey Shore Shark Attack (2012) suggests guido shot first. #SharkWeak2 Review

Jersey Shore Shark Attack (2012) suggests guido shot first. #SharkWeak2 Review

While the idea of sharks as merciless killers of the sea is older than Shakespeare’s ‘ravin’d salt-sea shark’, the idea that sharks posed a risk to the land-dwelling general population is just over a century old. In 1916, between July 1st and July 12th 1916, five shark attacks occurred along the New Jersey shore which ..

Mega Shark vs Mecha Shark (2014) has a licence Teal’c kill. #SharkWeak2 Review

Mega Shark vs Mecha Shark (2014) has a licence Teal’c kill. #SharkWeak2 Review

Previously, on “Mega Shark vs…”, our fishy anti-hero and his reptilian rival were poached to death by an underwater volcano, and it would appear that was indeed that. But fear not, a drought in the Mediterranean has prompted an entrepreneur to tow an iceberg to the afflicted area but – wouldn’t you know it – ..

Shark Weak 2 has only just begun but I’ve already had it with these motherf***in’ sharks on this motherf***in’ blog. Deep Blue Sea (1999) #SharkWeak2 Review

Shark Weak 2 has only just begun but I’ve already had it with these motherf***in’ sharks on this motherf***in’ blog. Deep Blue Sea (1999) #SharkWeak2 Review

Fittingly, we open #SharkWeak2 not with a terrible shark movie, but with a surprisingly seminal one with many of the modern sharksploitation tropes finding their roots in this turn of the millennium action adventure. When rogue scientist Dr Susan McAlester (Saffron Burrows) makes a last-ditch appeal to her corporate sponsor Russell Franklin (Samuel L Jackson) ..

The Reef (2010) brings real sharks and real terror to #SharkWeak2 #Review

The Reef (2010) brings real sharks and real terror to #SharkWeak2 #Review

The thing I love about sharksploitation movies is they’re generally fun. Fun is a big part of the appeal, even when – or maybe especially when – they’re bad. “The Reef” is not a bad movie, but it’s also definitely not a fun movie. When a group of friends find themselves stranded on a capsized ..

The Meg (2018) is a whole lot of fin and a whole lot of fun. #SharkWeak2 Review

The Meg (2018) is a whole lot of fin and a whole lot of fun. #SharkWeak2 Review

As a long-time reader of Steve Alten’s pulpy aquatic horror novels and a fan of shark movies – bad and good – I’ve long been hoping for a movie adaptation. Unfortunately, “The Meg” always seemed to find itself trapped in development hell, much like the eponymous monster is trapped beneath the thermal barrier at the ..

With great power comes great risibility. Sharkman (2005) #SharkWeak2 Review

With great power comes great risibility. Sharkman (2005) #SharkWeak2 Review

We’re back in the realms of mad science with 2005’s “Sharkman” (the internet’s most often confused movie. It’s sometimes called “Hammerhead” and not to be confused with the apparently unavailable (believe me I tried) 2001 film “Sharkman” from which I think the poster I’ve used is taken but plenty of other sites credit this to ..

What a croc of shit. Mega Shark Vs Crocosaurus (2010) #SharkWeak2 Review

What a croc of shit. Mega Shark Vs Crocosaurus (2010) #SharkWeak2 Review

Way down deep in the middle of the Congo, an illegal diamond mining operation unearths a giant 150-foot crocodile because of course it does. At the same time, in the middle of the Atlantic, the US Navy warship USS Gibson (haha geddit? Because Debbie Gibson was in the first one but isn’t in this one. ..