Jurassic World: Battle At Big Rock (2019) will make you hunger for the third movie…

Battle At Big Rock Review

Exploring the ramifications of the fateful decision made by Maisie at the end of “Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom”, the new short film “Battle At Big Rock” from director Colin Trevorrow looks to whet the appetite for the forthcoming third instalment of the “Jurassic World” series and, at just over eight minutes packs in enough tension, … Continue reading Jurassic World: Battle At Big Rock (2019) will make you hunger for the third movie…

It Chapter Two (2019) fails to pop and leaves me feeling a little deflated

It Chapter Two Review

Twenty-seven years since they first faced off and defeated Pennywise, things are getting bad in Derry again and Mike decides the time has come to call the Losers back home, to come together and fulfil their vow. An advantage the 1990 adaptation had over the modern remake is that it was conceived and commissioned as … Continue reading It Chapter Two (2019) fails to pop and leaves me feeling a little deflated

Scary Stories To Tell In The Dark (2019) is a bland, timid entry suitable perhaps for patients recovering from surgery.

Scary Stories To Tell In The Dark Review

Knowing very little of the original property, I didn’t know what to expect going in to “Scary Stories To Tell In The Dark”. What I got was a competently made and good looking anthology film where the framing narrative – an interesting idea in itself – is constantly interrupted by the need to service fans … Continue reading Scary Stories To Tell In The Dark (2019) is a bland, timid entry suitable perhaps for patients recovering from surgery.

Good Boys (2019) isn’t nearly as transgressive as it wants to make out, but is still plenty funny

Good Boys Review

There’s been a bit of Helen Lovejoy handwringing about the appropriateness of using young actors to anchor a crude adult-orientated comedy but while the language certainly isn’t entirely suitable for its young cast to watch, there’s nothing in the movie itself – swear words included – your average 12 year old hasn’t heard or used … Continue reading Good Boys (2019) isn’t nearly as transgressive as it wants to make out, but is still plenty funny

Surely they can’t think the Butler did it? Angel Has Fallen (2019)

As the third movie in the franchise, there was a specific burden on “Angel Has Fallen” to whit it’s a franchise tiebreaker. Mike Banning’s strike rate was balanced on a knife-edge: on one side, the solidly entertaining “Olympus Has Fallen”. On the other, the egregious shit show that is “London Has Fallen”. Good news, then, … Continue reading Surely they can’t think the Butler did it? Angel Has Fallen (2019)

UglyDolls (2019) ain’t got no alibi.

UglyDolls Review

A little bit of “Toy Story”, a little bit of “Monsters Inc” and a whole lot of cynical box-ticking does not an animated classic make. In the adorable fabric world of Uglyville, the Moxy (Kelly Clarkson) yearns for the day when she will be chosen by a child of her very own to be loved … Continue reading UglyDolls (2019) ain’t got no alibi.

What a croc! Crawl (2019) tries to run before it can walk.

Crawl Movie Review

It’s said that the easiest way to tell the difference between an alligator and a crocodile is whether you see them later or in a while. This may not help with multiplex-friendly monster movie “Crawl” though, because shortly after the headline critters make their literally scenery-chewing debut, they then abruptly disappear from the movie for … Continue reading What a croc! Crawl (2019) tries to run before it can walk.

Fast & Furious Presents: Hobbs & Shaw (2019) proves that Johnson and Statham can drive schtick

Having successfully reinvented and reinvigorated itself, the “Fast & Furious” franchise seemed to be an unstoppable juggernaut, with even the tragic loss of one of its founding cast members failing to rob it of any momentum. A pity, then, that the one thing the franchise seemed unable to overcome was the competing egos of its … Continue reading Fast & Furious Presents: Hobbs & Shaw (2019) proves that Johnson and Statham can drive schtick

A Lot of Dangerous Stuff: Once Upon A Time…In Hollywood, a guest post by Andy Oliver

Once Upon A Time In Hollywood Review

quietman

shaggy

The Canadian stand-up comic Norm Macdonald tells long, densely packed, rambling stories that are liberally spotted with moments of surreal humour, bizarre non-sequiturs, killer mid-story punchlines and pitch-black darkness. One of his most famous gags goes something like this (not verbatim and much abridged, you understand, I’m just trying to give you a flavour): A moth walks into a podiatrist’s office and the podiatrist asks, “What seems to be the matter?” The moth replies, “Aww, man I’m not sure where to start, uh, I go to work for Gregory Illynovich and, honestly doc, I don’t even know what I’m doing anymore. I’m not sure even Gregory Illynovich knows what I’m doing, all he knows is that he has power over me and that seems to bring him happiness. I go home and climb into bed and there’s this old woman laying next to me and I think back to a…

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Go figure: Playmobil: The Movie (2019) toys with some good ideas but they don’t play out.

To paraphrase The Lego Batman Movie: Death…all great children’s stories start with death, or seem to. In the case of The Playmobil Movie, it’s the parents on the chopping block as they’re offed (offscreen) within the first ten minutes to clear the way for Marla (Anya Taylor-Joy) and her younger brother Charlie (Gabriel Bateman) to … Continue reading Go figure: Playmobil: The Movie (2019) toys with some good ideas but they don’t play out.

Dora And The Lost City Of Gold (2019) es una obra maestra. Can you say una obra maestra?

Dora And The Lost City Of Gold Review

In a summer crammed to the rafters with tentpole franchises, sequels and high concept remakes, emerging from the jungle with an irresistible charm comes this note-perfect big-screen adaptation of beloved classic kids show "Dora The Explorer". With autumn waiting in the wings and the summer days dwindling, "Dora And The Lost City Of Gold" looks … Continue reading Dora And The Lost City Of Gold (2019) es una obra maestra. Can you say una obra maestra?

Evil Aliens (2006) invades your eyeballs with shock and gore!

Evil Aliens (2006) Review

“Evil Aliens” is something of a Ronseal movie: it does exactly what it says on the tin. A gleefully grisly grindhouse indie sci-fi horror movie, it’s a shlockfest that revels in its sophomoric humour and vulgar splatter-movie aesthetic. Heavily – and obviously – influenced by Peter Jackson’s “Braindead” and Sam Raimi’s “The Evil Dead”, it … Continue reading Evil Aliens (2006) invades your eyeballs with shock and gore!

The Tall Guy (1989) comes up short

The Tall Guy Review

There are a lot of firsts on offer in modest 1989 Britcom “The Tall Guy”: it’s the feature directorial debut of Mel Smith and it’s the first feature film script by Richard Curtis. It also features the theatrical film debut of Emma Thompson and, briefly, Jason Isaacs. Blogathon man of the moment, Jeff Goldblum, plays … Continue reading The Tall Guy (1989) comes up short

Birds of a feather flop together? Not quite: The Angry Birds Movie 2 (2019) Review

The Angry Birds Movie 2 Review

With the game itself fading from the zeitgeist at an ever-increasing rate, this somewhat unexpected sequel to 2016’s first movie sees the Angry Birds launch their bid for cultural immortality by trying to grow beyond its limited roots. As Red and Leonard the pig trade blows in an ongoing prank war, they are unaware of … Continue reading Birds of a feather flop together? Not quite: The Angry Birds Movie 2 (2019) Review

Occurrence at Mills Creek (2019) Short Film Review

Occurrence At Mills Creek Short Film Review

When 15-year-old Cassandra (Alexa Mechling) awakens to find herself on display in a casket under the vigil of her elder sister Clara (Ava Psoras) in their home. As a weak Cassandra tries to communicate her desperate attempts to be seen and heard are perceived as terrifying supernatural occurrences by her sister, forcing her to consider … Continue reading Occurrence at Mills Creek (2019) Short Film Review

Veni, vidi, risi: Horrible Histories: The Movie – Rotten Romans (2019) Review

Horrible Histories The Movie Rotten Romans Review

The original run of the “Horrible Histories” TV series was one of those lightning-in-a-bottle shows, a perfect match between writing and casts and while this big-screen spin-off unfortunately doesn’t have any of the series main cast, it does manage to get closer to the anarchic edutainment fun of its roots than any other project has … Continue reading Veni, vidi, risi: Horrible Histories: The Movie – Rotten Romans (2019) Review

Yesterday (2019) will make all your troubles seem so far away for a couple of hours at most

Yesterday Review

Reassuringly hagiographic for baby boomer Beatles fans, Richard Curtis’ latest rom-com is a slight musical fantasy that succeeds thanks to the warmth and likeability of its leads. Jack Malik (Himesh Patel) is a struggling musician who’s just about ready to call time on his ambitions when he’s involved in an accident during a mysterious worldwide … Continue reading Yesterday (2019) will make all your troubles seem so far away for a couple of hours at most

Javed learns to live with what he can’t rise above in Springsteen-powered musical dramedy Blinded By The Light (2019)

Blinded By The Light Review

There’s something giddily pure about Gurinder Chadha’s “Blinded by the Light,” a coming-of-age story about a young Pakistani Muslim boy growing up in late eighties Luton. With the country experiencing the economic and social turmoil of Thatcherism, Javed (Viveik Kalra) and his family must endure not only financial hardship but the hostility and bigotry of … Continue reading Javed learns to live with what he can’t rise above in Springsteen-powered musical dramedy Blinded By The Light (2019)

Disney’s reanimated version of The Lion King is Hakuna Meh-tata

The Lion King 2019 Review

There’s probably a very good reason William Shakespeare didn’t turn to the flora and fauna of Africa when originally staging “Hamlet” and my money is on the inability of big cats to emote properly because that’s one of the biggest problems with this ‘live-action’ Lion King has. Oh, it's still a great story, competently told … Continue reading Disney’s reanimated version of The Lion King is Hakuna Meh-tata

Luc Besson’s lacklustre spy thriller Anna (2019) offers little more than a vanilla Villanelle knockoff

Anna Review

Although it opens like “America’s Next Top Model: The Movie”, Luc Besson’s latest action-fest plays out more like a poor carbon copy of last year’s “Red Sparrow”. It’s certainly more fun than “Red Sparrow”, but that’s not a particularly high bar to clear. Anna (Sasha Luss) is a KGB honey trap agent working in Paris … Continue reading Luc Besson’s lacklustre spy thriller Anna (2019) offers little more than a vanilla Villanelle knockoff

Ari Aster’s Swedish folk horror Midsommar (2019) combines the existential terror of a trip to IKEA with the crushing tedium of a trip to IKEA

Midsommar Review

In following up on “Hereditary”, Ari Aster’s sophomore effort “Midsommer” was almost predestined to become the latest yardstick by which that most rarefied strata of cinephiles would embrace to prove their bona fides. A pity, then that he has delivered a glacial two-and-a-half-hour Instagram filter with ill-founded pretentions of psychological profundity. A group of friends … Continue reading Ari Aster’s Swedish folk horror Midsommar (2019) combines the existential terror of a trip to IKEA with the crushing tedium of a trip to IKEA

The Dead Don’t Die (2019) brings us the most laid back end of the world ever.

The Dead Don't Die Review

I’m not the biggest fan of zombie films, especially when they’re by-the-numbers brain-eating gore-fests, or tired re-treads of ‘humanity is the real monster’ trope (looking at you, “The Walking Dead”) so I’m pleased to say that Jim Jarmusch has avoided all of those tired clichés with his trademark mischievous wit. As the end of the … Continue reading The Dead Don’t Die (2019) brings us the most laid back end of the world ever.

The Queen’s Corgi (2019) Review

There’re so many problematic aspects to “The Queen’s Corgi” it’s kind of baffling it ever made it to cinema screens. A cute cartoon fable about the Queen’s beloved pets may seem like a slam-dunk for the Saturday kid’s club crowd and, if you’re determined to see it, it’s definitely worth waiting for it to reach … Continue reading The Queen’s Corgi (2019) Review

Sharkwater (2006) #SharkWeak3🦈 Review

Sharkwater Review

Bad shark movies are a lot of fun, but behind all the hyped-up mega predator nonsense, the fact of the matter that when it comes down to it, it’s us humans who are the real monsters. In 2006, Canadian diver and cinematographer Rob Stewart set out to study sharks in the wild and understand their … Continue reading Sharkwater (2006) #SharkWeak3🦈 Review

Jaws 3-D (1983) #SharkWeak3🦈 Review

Jaws 3-D Review

It’s clear from the moment the opening credits start that something has gone very wrong with the “Jaws” franchise. Everything instantly looks cheaper as the new production team bring in a tackier, naffer aesthetic to the whole set-up. Director Joe Alves is certainly no Steven Spielberg and he’s not even a Jeannot Swarzc but then … Continue reading Jaws 3-D (1983) #SharkWeak3🦈 Review

Shark Lake (2015) #SharkWeak3🦈 Review

Far from the high concept carcharodon carry-on of the likes of “6-Headed Shark Attack” or “Sharkenstein”, “Shark Lake” sets out to position itself as a gritty and grounded shark thriller. A gritty and ground shark thriller which begins with Clint Gray (Dolph Lundgren), a rare animal smuggler, going on the run with a bull shark … Continue reading Shark Lake (2015) #SharkWeak3🦈 Review

6-Headed Shark Attack (2018) #SharkWeak3🦈 Review

6-Headed Shark Attack Review

Skulking in the shadows of the mode headline-grabbing “Sharknado” series, another franchise has been chomping its way through people’s precious time and now finds itself on its fourth instalment and sixth head. “6-Headed Shark Attack” continues the series’ strong theme of having absolutely no connection to the previous movies save for one-upping the headcount and … Continue reading 6-Headed Shark Attack (2018) #SharkWeak3🦈 Review

Aatank (1996) #SharkWeak3🦈 Review

Aatank 1996 Review

When “Jaws” shattered box office records and blew minds in 1975, it inspired countless imitations but maybe none took as long to swim their way into cinema screens as India’s 1996 epic “Aatank”. Started in the early 1980s, it went through a couple of directors, various producers, rewrites, reshoots and even body doubles to finish … Continue reading Aatank (1996) #SharkWeak3🦈 Review

Trailer Park Shark (2017) #SharkWeak3🦈 Review

Trailer Park Shark Review

By now I’m used to sharksploitation movies being garbage, but “Trailer Park Shark” takes it to a whole new level of Great White trash. Oh, and to save you some time, if you’re thinking of watching this because it ‘stars’ “Sharknado” leading lady Tara Reid, be aware she’s hardly in it at all. When the … Continue reading Trailer Park Shark (2017) #SharkWeak3🦈 Review

Super Shark (2011) #SharkWeak3🦈 Review

Imbued with special powers by a toxic waste spill, mild-mannered ocean dweller Shark Kent dedicates himself to using his newfound abilities to fight for truth, justice and...nope. As fun as that movie would be, “Super Shark” is just another killer shark, bikinis and bites B-movie. It does, at least, open excitingly in media res with … Continue reading Super Shark (2011) #SharkWeak3🦈 Review

Sharkenstein (2016) #SharkWeak3🦈 Review

Sharkenstein Movie Review

In the final days of World War II, a secret experiment to weaponise sharks is shut down by the Third Reich and thought destroyed but sixty years later, a small seaside town finds itself under siege by a mysterious bloodthirsty monster - one assembled from the reanimated parts of the world’s most ferocious species of … Continue reading Sharkenstein (2016) #SharkWeak3🦈 Review

The 6 Year Old Review – The Queen’s Corgi

The Queen’s Corgi is a story about a little Corgi called Rex who lives at Buckingham Palace. The movie isn’t very good but Rex is very cute. Rex gets into trouble and then gets sent to a Dog Pound! In the Pound, he meets other dogs and there is a mean dog called Tyson who … Continue reading The 6 Year Old Review – The Queen’s Corgi

After the epic and emotional Endgame, Marvel lightens the mood with N̶a̶t̶i̶o̶n̶a̶l̶ ̶L̶a̶m̶p̶o̶o̶n̶’̶s̶ Spider-Man’s European Vacation. Spider-Man: Far From Home (2019) Review

Spider-Man Far From Home Review

There’s a prominent poster in the support group scene in “Avengers: Endgame” which poses the question: ‘Where Do We Go Now That They’re Gone?’ and in many ways, that’s the exact question Peter Parker is wrestling with in “Spider-Man: Far From Home”. As he struggles to come to terms with the loss of his mentor … Continue reading After the epic and emotional Endgame, Marvel lightens the mood with N̶a̶t̶i̶o̶n̶a̶l̶ ̶L̶a̶m̶p̶o̶o̶n̶’̶s̶ Spider-Man’s European Vacation. Spider-Man: Far From Home (2019) Review

Deep Blue Sea 2 (2018) #SharkWeak3🦈 Review

Deep Blue Sea 2 Review

“Deep Blue Sea 2” is a movie that poses a lot of questions. Not just the obvious ones like what? or why? But also 'what if the raptors from “Jurassic World” but sharks'? And what led Warner Bros to value this IP so lowly they rented it out for this generic, cheap sharksploitation flick? But … Continue reading Deep Blue Sea 2 (2018) #SharkWeak3🦈 Review

Megalodon (2018) #SharkWeak3🦈 Review

Michael Madsen Megalodon Review

Star names are no rarity when it comes to bad shark movies, but there are two distinct styles the genre adopts. Some, like say Kirsty Swanson in “Swamp Shark” are in the movie for the long haul whereas others, like Michael Madsen in this movie, were obviously filmed in a couple of hours one morning … Continue reading Megalodon (2018) #SharkWeak3🦈 Review

Ozark Sharks (2016) #SharkWeak3🦈 Review

Having consulted Google Maps and confirmed that, yes, a shark in the Ozarks in technically possible, let’s dive head first into not horror fiction, but horror fact as a family vacation to the Ozarks takes a bloodthirsty turn when killer sharks invade the picturesque waterways. “Ozark Shark” doesn’t start well. The initial bloodless shark attacks … Continue reading Ozark Sharks (2016) #SharkWeak3🦈 Review

Piranha Sharks (2016) #SharkWeak3🦈 Review

Piranha Sharks Review

Many shark movies focus on making the sharks big. Very big. But what happens when you make the sharks really, really, really small? That's the plan behind a government-funded project to develop tiny sharks but when weaponization turns out to be problematic, the project turns to selling them to fill the aquariums of New York’s … Continue reading Piranha Sharks (2016) #SharkWeak3🦈 Review

Frenzy (2019) #SharkWeak3🦈 Review

Frenzy Review Surrounded Review

Behind every terrible shark movie, there is a great shark movie being ruthlessly strip-mined. With “Frenzy” (or “Surrounded” – neither of which adequately describe this cinematic cloud of squaline egesta) that film is “The Shallows”. When a group of ‘extreme adventure travel’ vloggers are stranded by the most unconvincing CGI plane crash you’ll ever have … Continue reading Frenzy (2019) #SharkWeak3🦈 Review

Bad CGI Sharks (2019) #SharkWeak3🦈 Review

Bad CGI Sharks Review

There are great shark movies. And there are bad shark movies. And then there are great bad shark movies. Opening this year’s Shark Weak 3, we take a look at a forthcoming movie that definitely falls into that latter category. Reminiscent of Shark Weak 2’s winner of the coveted and totally not made up ‘Golden … Continue reading Bad CGI Sharks (2019) #SharkWeak3🦈 Review

The Movie Bunker Podcast: Superman III

The Movie Bunker Podcast Superman III

This week, I was a guest on The Movie Bunker Podcast's Episode 42 - talking about how life, the universe and everything is better for having "Superman III" in it. The Movie Bunker Podcast is a podcast dedicated to reviewing the most critically panned movies. Is there a diamond in the rough? It's unlikely, but … Continue reading The Movie Bunker Podcast: Superman III

For fork’s sake – Toy Story 4 (2019) asks Game Of Thrones to hold its juicebox.

Toy Story 4 Review

“Toy Story”, “Toy Story 2” and “Toy Story 3” remain one of the finest movie trilogies ever brought to life on the big screen. “Toy Story 4”, on the other hand, feels like one of those reunion specials that seem to be so in vogue right now, getting the whole band back together only to … Continue reading For fork’s sake – Toy Story 4 (2019) asks Game Of Thrones to hold its juicebox.

Brightburn (2019) brings us Batman’s worst nightmare

Brightburn Movie Review

As the dad of a 12-year-old boy who will imminently turn 13, there was an element of “Brightburn” which struck a chord as Tori and Kyle Breyer (Elizabeth Banks and David Denman) watch their beloved little dude turn into a sullen, moody and downright malevolent young man almost overnight. Of course, the wrinkle here is … Continue reading Brightburn (2019) brings us Batman’s worst nightmare

Men In Black: International (2019) offers self-neuralyzing entertainment

Men In Black International Review

For a franchise which has often been plagued with a sense of déjà vu (indeed its first sequel was an almost note for note remake of the first film and its second was themed around the redoing historic events), the most disappointing aspect of “Men In Black: International” is how familiar it all feels, despite … Continue reading Men In Black: International (2019) offers self-neuralyzing entertainment

Canon to the left of us, non-canon to the right, here we are stuck in the middle with…Who? Looking back at Peter Cushing’s Amicus Doctor Who for the 2nd Great Hammer-Amicus Blogathon

If you thought Sony’s plan to create a viable cinematic franchise based around a popular recurring villain from another franchise with “Venom” was a bold new idea, then I’m here to exterminate your misconceptions with the news that Amicus tried it decades before. In the early sixties, Amicus’ founders American-born Milton Subotsky and Max Rosenberg … Continue reading Canon to the left of us, non-canon to the right, here we are stuck in the middle with…Who? Looking back at Peter Cushing’s Amicus Doctor Who for the 2nd Great Hammer-Amicus Blogathon

Indiana Jones And The Temple Of Doom (1984) deserves far more fortune and glory on its 35th Anniversary

Unjustly denigrated by fans, unfairly disowned by its creators, “Indiana Jones And The Temple Of Doom” has long had to fend off more than its fair share of criticism. Now, on its 35th Anniversary, it’s time this neglected middle child of the Indiana Jones saga got the praise it’s due. That rare sequel which doesn’t … Continue reading Indiana Jones And The Temple Of Doom (1984) deserves far more fortune and glory on its 35th Anniversary

Late Night (2019) wants you to stay tuned for these important messages.

Late Night Review

Over the past couple of years, I’ve gotten more and more into American Late Night talk shows. Not the vainglorious onanism of James Corden but the biting satire of the more political shows like “The Late Show With Stephen Colbert” and “Late Night With Seth Meyers” (the host of which cameos as himself in the … Continue reading Late Night (2019) wants you to stay tuned for these important messages.

Take the red pill and revisit The Matrix (1999) on its 20th Anniversary.

The Matrix 20th Anniversary Review

So influential and so ingrained in movie legend now, it’s hard to remember there was a time before “The Matrix” was a pop culture touchstone. Itself a synthesis of 20th century sci-fi and anime tropes it blended high-minded spirituality with gritty cyberpunk noir and – still – breathtakingly innovative special effects and fight choreography to … Continue reading Take the red pill and revisit The Matrix (1999) on its 20th Anniversary.

X-Men: Dark Phoenix (2019) offers us the chance to dine on ashes while flipping us the bird.

X-Men Dark Phoenix Review

To the surprise of literally nobody, rising with an entirely unmerited sense of entitlement from the ashes of “X-Men: Apocalypse”, writer/ director Simon Kinberg has only managed to conjure a turkey from the flames. In the 1990s, the X-Men are enjoying a golden age of public and governmental approval. The President even has a brand … Continue reading X-Men: Dark Phoenix (2019) offers us the chance to dine on ashes while flipping us the bird.

Ma (2019) doesn’t need to spike your drink to put you to sleep.

Ma Horror Review

The most horrifying thing about this lukewarm all-filler, no-killer thriller is how much on-screen talent is wasted in telling its flaccid, predictable and profoundly stupid story. When Maggie (Diana Silvers) is moved back to her mum’s hometown, she’s quick to make new friends and starts hanging out with them outside the local liquor store, hoping … Continue reading Ma (2019) doesn’t need to spike your drink to put you to sleep.

P-A-R-T-Y? Because you oughtta! Booksmart (2019) Review

Booksmart Review

Adorable, authentic and aspirationally acerbic, “Booksmart” is a comic triumph that skewers the high school graduate experience and forms the impudent middle chapter of a loose thematic coming-of-age trilogy which starts with “Eighth Grade” and segues into “Lady Bird”. On the eve of their high school graduation, Molly (Beanie Feldstein) and Amy (Kaitlyn Dever) – … Continue reading P-A-R-T-Y? Because you oughtta! Booksmart (2019) Review