Santa Jaws (2018) Review

Santa Jaws (2018) Review


Santa Jaws (2018) Review

Santa Jaws brings a bit of festive fin for a Shark Weak 4 Christmas Special SANTA JAWS is a pun so delicious and filled with festive promise that it’s a wonder it took until 2018 for the chum-grinding sharksploitation mill to get around to it. While it shares all the usual hallmarks of its peers: ..

Cruel Jaws (1995) ends #SharkWeak4🦈 on a profoundly stupid, deeply ignorant and poorly made low note.

Cruel Jaws (1995) ends #SharkWeak4🦈 on a profoundly stupid, deeply ignorant and poorly made low note.


Cruel Jaws (1995) ends #SharkWeak4🦈 on a profoundly stupid, deeply ignorant and poorly made low note.

Directed by notorious Italian filmmaker Bruno Mattei – renowned for repurposing other films’ footage to suit himself – CRUEL JAWS may just be the most tired and badly made JAWS rip-off of all time, making THE LAST SHARK look like THE LAST EMPEROR. Oh, sure, it tries to disguise its plagiarised nature by changing the ..

Cage Dive (2017) reminds us that sometimes when footage is found, it’s absolutely fine to just leave it where it is. #SharkWeak4🦈 Review

Cage Dive (2017) reminds us that sometimes when footage is found, it’s absolutely fine to just leave it where it is. #SharkWeak4🦈 Review


Cage Dive (2017) reminds us that sometimes when footage is found, it’s absolutely fine to just leave it where it is. #SharkWeak4🦈 Review

Found footage horror is quite the rarity in the bad shark movie genre but then again, CAGE DIVE (sometimes badged as OPEN WATER 3: CAGE DIVE although it has no direct relationship OPEN WATER) is a film of contradictions. While it does, at least, feature sharks – unlike its shark-free predecessor – it doesn’t actually ..

47 Meters Down: Uncaged (2020) adds some Mexican spice to turn a ‘negative encounter’ into a surprisingly positive experience. #SharkWeak4🦈 Review

47 Meters Down: Uncaged (2020) adds some Mexican spice to turn a ‘negative encounter’ into a surprisingly positive experience. #SharkWeak4🦈 Review


47 Meters Down: Uncaged (2020) adds some Mexican spice to turn a ‘negative encounter’ into a surprisingly positive experience. #SharkWeak4🦈 Review

It’s fairly common in the world of bad shark movies for franchises to be fashioned out of films that share little to nothing in common other than the presence of sharks. In fact, it’s actually quite rare for there to be a consistent through-line from one film to the next. 47 METERS DOWN: UNCAGED very ..

Sky Sharks (2020) is a disappointment I did Nazi coming. #SharkWeak4🦈 Review

Sky Sharks (2020) is a disappointment I did Nazi coming. #SharkWeak4🦈 Review


Sky Sharks (2020) is a disappointment I did Nazi coming. #SharkWeak4🦈 Review

Brought to you by four production companies who seemingly put more thought and effort into their studio idents than they did producing a good movie, SKY SHARKS not only promises more than it delivers, what it does put on screen is haphazard, unpleasant and – psychologically speaking – somewhat concerning. When a team of geologists ..

That putrid rotting smell isn’t the star of Zombie Shark (2020), it’s the movie itself. #SharkWeak4🦈 Review

That putrid rotting smell isn’t the star of Zombie Shark (2020), it’s the movie itself. #SharkWeak4🦈 Review


That putrid rotting smell isn’t the star of Zombie Shark (2020), it’s the movie itself. #SharkWeak4🦈 Review

While more recent bad shark movies have displayed a greater range than might be expected, ZOMBIE SHARK (also known as Shark Island) is very much a throwback to the sausage factory bad shark movie output of the 2010s. After the unexpected ocean delights of SHARK KILLER and DEEP BLUE SEA 3, this decaying corpse of ..

Deep Blue Sea 3 (2020) Review

Deep Blue Sea 3 (2020) Review


Deep Blue Sea 3 (2020) Review

Deep Blue Sea 3 closes out the trilogy in surprisingly impressive style After the flaccid and facile retread that was DEEP BLUE SEA 2, my expectations for this movie would have plumbed the depths of the challenger deep. In the annals of bad shark movie history, of course, it’s not unprecedented for a shark movie ..

Open Water (2003) isn’t really a bad shark movie, it’s a movie with sharks in it. #SharkWeak4🦈 Review

Open Water (2003) isn’t really a bad shark movie, it’s a movie with sharks in it. #SharkWeak4🦈 Review


Open Water (2003) isn’t really a bad shark movie, it’s a movie with sharks in it. #SharkWeak4🦈 Review

Like dolphins caught up in a tuna net, the trawl of the murky depths of bad shark movies occasionally hauls in something which either isn’t a terrible movie or, even rarer, isn’t really a shark movie. OPEN WATER is one of the latter. Based on (well, extrapolated from) the story of real-life couple Tom and ..

Shark Season (2020)’s undoubted lowlight is Michael Madsen’s literally phoned-in performance #SharkWeak4🦈 Review

Shark Season (2020)’s undoubted lowlight is Michael Madsen’s literally phoned-in performance #SharkWeak4🦈 Review


Shark Season (2020)’s undoubted lowlight is Michael Madsen’s literally phoned-in performance #SharkWeak4🦈 Review

SHARK SEASON (aka Shark Attack) bring Shark Weak 4 another cheap shark movie and another cheap, literally phoned-in, Michael Madsen performance. When his daughter Sarah (Paige McGarvin) takes a modelling assignment, recent widower James (Michael Madsen) wishes her well. But Jason (Jack Pearson), the photographer and Sarah’s ex, has heard tell of a new atoll ..

Great White (2021) ain’t so great – but it’s not that bad, either. #SharkWeak4🦈 Review

Great White (2021) ain’t so great – but it’s not that bad, either. #SharkWeak4🦈 Review


Great White (2021) ain’t so great – but it’s not that bad, either. #SharkWeak4🦈 Review

While its title isn’t exactly inspired (or particularly accurate), there’s a lot to like about GREAT WHITE, a shark survival movie whose greatest sin is that it’s basically fine. When a charter flight to a remote atoll to spread some ashes comes to an abrupt end when their seaplane is sunk by an aggressive shark, ..

Sharkansas Women’s Prison Massacre (2015) bites off more than it can chew #SharkWeak4🦈 Review

Sharkansas Women’s Prison Massacre (2015) bites off more than it can chew #SharkWeak4🦈 Review


Sharkansas Women’s Prison Massacre (2015) bites off more than it can chew #SharkWeak4🦈 Review

The overlap between crappy sharksploitation movies and softcore titillation remains vanishingly, thankfully, small despite the occasional flash of gratuitous boob so it shouldn’t really come as such a surprise that a grindhouse title like SHARKANSAS WOMEN’S PRISON MASSACRE comprehensively fails to live up to any of the sleazy promise its title pun inspires. When Arkansas ..

There’s something really fishy about Dolph Lundgren-‘starring’ lakeside thriller Shark Lake (2015) #SharkWeak3 Review

There’s something really fishy about Dolph Lundgren-‘starring’ lakeside thriller Shark Lake (2015) #SharkWeak3 Review


There’s something really fishy about Dolph Lundgren-‘starring’ lakeside thriller Shark Lake (2015) #SharkWeak3 Review

Far from the high concept carcharodon carry-on of the likes of “6-Headed Shark Attack” or “Sharkenstein”, “Shark Lake” sets out to position itself as a gritty and grounded shark thriller. A gritty and ground shark thriller which begins with Clint Gray (Dolph Lundgren), a rare animal smuggler, going on the run with a bull shark ..

6-Headed Shark Attack (2018) Review

6-Headed Shark Attack (2018) Review


6-Headed Shark Attack (2018) Review

Six times the head, one-sixth of the fun Skulking in the shadows of the more headline-grabbing “Sharknado” series, another franchise has been chomping its way through people’s precious time and now finds itself on its fourth instalment and sixth head. “6-Headed Shark Attack” continues the series’ strong theme of having absolutely no connection to the ..

Aatank (1996) is the Bollywood bad boy of bad shark movies. #SharkWeak3 Review

Aatank (1996) is the Bollywood bad boy of bad shark movies. #SharkWeak3 Review


Aatank (1996) is the Bollywood bad boy of bad shark movies. #SharkWeak3 Review

When “Jaws” shattered box office records and blew minds in 1975, it inspired countless imitations but maybe none took as long to swim their way into cinema screens as India’s 1996 epic “Aatank”. Started in the early 1980s, it went through a couple of directors, various producers, rewrites, reshoots and even body doubles to finish ..

Look! Up in the sky! It’s absurd! It’s a shame! Yes, it’s Super Shark (2011) #SharkWeak3 Review

Look! Up in the sky! It’s absurd! It’s a shame! Yes, it’s Super Shark (2011) #SharkWeak3 Review


Look! Up in the sky! It’s absurd! It’s a shame! Yes, it’s Super Shark (2011) #SharkWeak3 Review

Imbued with special powers by a toxic waste spill, mild-mannered ocean dweller Shark Kent dedicates himself to using his newfound abilities to fight for truth, justice and…nope. As fun as that movie would be, “Super Shark” is just another killer shark, bikinis and bites B-movie. It does, at least, open excitingly in media res with ..

If I cannot inspire love, I will cause fear! And if I cannot cause fear, I will provoke laughter! Sharkenstein (2016) #SharkWeak3 Review

If I cannot inspire love, I will cause fear! And if I cannot cause fear, I will provoke laughter! Sharkenstein (2016) #SharkWeak3 Review


If I cannot inspire love, I will cause fear! And if I cannot cause fear, I will provoke laughter! Sharkenstein (2016) #SharkWeak3 Review

In the final days of World War II, a secret experiment to weaponise sharks is shut down by the Third Reich and thought destroyed but sixty years later, a small seaside town finds itself under siege by a mysterious bloodthirsty monster – one assembled from the reanimated parts of the world’s most ferocious species of ..

Deep Blue Sea 2 (2018) Review

Deep Blue Sea 2 (2018) Review


Deep Blue Sea 2 (2018) Review

Deep Blue Sea 2 is the Men In Black II of bad shark movies “Deep Blue Sea 2” is a movie that poses a lot of questions. Not just the obvious ones like what? or why? But also ‘what if the raptors from “Jurassic World” but sharks’? And what led Warner Bros to value this ..

It’s oh, sharks! in the Ozarks as a family vacation turns into a summer shark attack: Ozark Sharks (2016) #SharkWeak3 Review

It’s oh, sharks! in the Ozarks as a family vacation turns into a summer shark attack: Ozark Sharks (2016) #SharkWeak3 Review


It’s oh, sharks! in the Ozarks as a family vacation turns into a summer shark attack: Ozark Sharks (2016) #SharkWeak3 Review

Having consulted Google Maps and confirmed that, yes, a shark in the Ozarks in technically possible, let’s dive head first into not horror fiction, but horror fact as a family vacation to the Ozarks takes a bloodthirsty turn when killer sharks invade the picturesque waterways. “Ozark Shark” doesn’t start well. The initial bloodless shark attacks ..

Garra rufa pedicures are scarier than anything Piranha Sharks (2016) can offer. #SharkWeak3 Review

Garra rufa pedicures are scarier than anything Piranha Sharks (2016) can offer. #SharkWeak3 Review


Garra rufa pedicures are scarier than anything Piranha Sharks (2016) can offer. #SharkWeak3 Review

Many shark movies focus on making the sharks big. Very big. But what happens when you make the sharks really, really, really small? That’s the plan behind a government-funded project to develop tiny sharks but when weaponization turns out to be problematic, the project turns to selling them to fill the aquariums of New York’s ..

In all the shark movies I have encountered on my travels, Frenzy (2019) is the most…stupid. #SharkWeak3 Review

In all the shark movies I have encountered on my travels, Frenzy (2019) is the most…stupid. #SharkWeak3 Review


In all the shark movies I have encountered on my travels, Frenzy (2019) is the most…stupid. #SharkWeak3 Review

Behind every terrible shark movie, there is a great shark movie being ruthlessly strip-mined. With “Frenzy” (or “Surrounded” – neither of which adequately describe this cinematic cloud of squaline egesta) that film is “The Shallows”. When a group of ‘extreme adventure travel’ vloggers are stranded by the most unconvincing CGI plane crash you’ll ever have ..

Close the beaches! #SharkWeak is back and first we’ll take a big bite out of Bad CGI Sharks (2019) Review

Close the beaches! #SharkWeak is back and first we’ll take a big bite out of Bad CGI Sharks (2019) Review


Close the beaches! #SharkWeak is back and first we’ll take a big bite out of Bad CGI Sharks (2019) Review

There are great shark movies. And there are bad shark movies. And then there are great bad shark movies. Opening this year’s Shark Weak 3, we take a look at a forthcoming movie that definitely falls into that latter category. Reminiscent of Shark Weak 2’s winner of the coveted and totally not made up ‘Golden ..

House Shark (2017) achieves the impossible: it’s a bad shark movie that’s actually really, really great. #SharkWeak2 Review

House Shark (2017) achieves the impossible: it’s a bad shark movie that’s actually really, really great. #SharkWeak2 Review


House Shark (2017) achieves the impossible: it’s a bad shark movie that’s actually really, really great. #SharkWeak2 Review

Once in a while, you come across a film which completely upends any assumptions or expectations you have. As I crawl wearily to the end of this far too long stretch of bad shark movies for #SharkWeak2, “House Shark” has done just that. It may be a cheap, nonsensical under-funded Indiegogo project but it’s also ..