Holmes & Watson (2018) Review

The 1988 Michael Caine/ Ben Kingsley movie “Without A Clue” asked what would happen if Holmes was actually an idiot and Dr Watson was the genius but "Holmes & Watson" dares to ask what if they were both imbeciles, in a crass and witless farce? The answer is excrementary, my dear reader. When the trial … Continue reading Holmes & Watson (2018) Review

Shark Exorcist (2016) #SharkWeak2 Review

This weird, excruciatingly badly made movie opens on a nun walking through a graveyard while a newscast voiceover reports a local nun accused of murdering and torturing thirteen local boys and girls. It’s one of a number of things the movie talks about but never shows us. But given the quality of what it does … Continue reading Shark Exorcist (2016) #SharkWeak2 Review

Sharknado 5: Global Swarming (2017) Review

As I hope #SharkWeak has proved, I’m a  huge fan of Shark movies, be they the prime cuts like “Jaws”, the gourmet burgers such as “Deep Blue Sea” or the dirty kebab van sustenance of SyFy original movies. I can tolerate wooden acting and look past the occasionally shoddy special effects (I grew up watching … Continue reading Sharknado 5: Global Swarming (2017) Review

The Emoji Movie (2017) Review

😡                       Oh, sorry - did you want more than that? Okay. This is a lazy, cynical exercise in filmmaking driven by executive hubris and utter contempt for the audience. Ill-conceived, muddled and creatively bankrupt, Sony have shattered the rock bottom for animated fare in … Continue reading The Emoji Movie (2017) Review

Jurassic Shark (2011) #SharkWeak Review

Another shark movie, another Spielberg pun and it turns out that I didn’t judge “Raiders Of The Lost Shark” harshly enough, because one of its writers should have known better given they directed this errant nonsense some three years earlier. Welcome…to “Jurassic Shark”. When an oil company unwittingly unleashes a prehistoric shark from its icy … Continue reading Jurassic Shark (2011) #SharkWeak Review

Only God Forgives (2013) Review

Famously divisive at its Cannes press screening, being simultaneously booed by some critics while receiving a standing ovation from others, Nicolas Winding Refn & Ryan Gosling’s follow-up collaboration to “Drive” is an exercise in artistic pretension so abstruse and obfuscatory that it suffocates under the weight of its own pomposity. From the moment the film … Continue reading Only God Forgives (2013) Review