Argento’s Dracula 3D (2012) Dractober Review

What better way to close out #Dractober than with a brand new interpretation of the legend of Bram Stoker’s celebrated vampire from the visionary director of “Suspiria”? Well, as it turns out, probably quite a few things. During the Walpurgis Night celebrations in the Carpathian village of Passo Borgo, a young couple sneak off into … Continue reading Argento’s Dracula 3D (2012) Dractober Review

Shark Week (2012) #SharkWeak2 Review

“Shark Week”, very much not to be confused with the annual Discovery Channel documentary-thon, begins mis-en-scene, with Tiburon (an almost unrecognisable Patrick Bergen) taunting his poolside victim like a cut-price Bond villain/ Jigsaw hybrid. Ultimately our unfortunate introductory victim takes the plunge and bites the big one...well, gets bitten by the big one. So begins … Continue reading Shark Week (2012) #SharkWeak2 Review

Jersey Shore Shark Attack (2012) #SharkWeak2 Review

While the idea of sharks as merciless killers of the sea is older than Shakespeare’s ‘ravin'd salt-sea shark’, the idea that sharks posed a risk to the land-dwelling general population is just over a century old. In 1916, between July 1st and July 12th 1916, five shark attacks occurred along the New Jersey shore which … Continue reading Jersey Shore Shark Attack (2012) #SharkWeak2 Review

2-Headed Shark Attack (2012) #SharkWeak2 Review

Spending a semester at sea conducting research sounds like a dream come true, right? Not when your expedition finds itself under attack from a mutated two-headed shark! Thankfully the boat is stranded near an abandoned atoll but when the atoll itself starts sinking, no one is safe from the monster! Given the title monster has … Continue reading 2-Headed Shark Attack (2012) #SharkWeak2 Review

Craggus’ Countdown To Infinity: The Avengers/ Avengers Assemble (2012)

When Loki appears in a SHIELD facility and steals the Tesseract, Nick Fury decides its time to mobilise the Avengers. But bringing together a group of heroes is quite different from creating a team and with an alien invasion imminent, Iron Man, Captain America, Thor, Black Widow, Hawkeye and The Hulk will need to find … Continue reading Craggus’ Countdown To Infinity: The Avengers/ Avengers Assemble (2012)

Dark Tide (2012) #SharkWeak Review

With Michael Caine added to our rogue’s gallery, we’re on a roll now. Next up, we’ve got none other than the star of “Catwoman” herself, Halle Berry as Kate, a freediving shark expert whose business is struggling to stay afloat after a tragic accident in which one of her crew died. Once dubbed a ‘shark … Continue reading Dark Tide (2012) #SharkWeak Review

Sand Sharks (2012) #SharkWeak Review

Well would you look at this, a faint vestige of production values and technical ability! We even have a star name attached (Corin Nemec, “Parker Lewis Can’t Lose”, “Stargate: SG-1”). Now, there is actually a species of shark named sand shark but this film has little use for them. Instead, we’re still stuck with the … Continue reading Sand Sharks (2012) #SharkWeak Review

Jurassic Shark (2011) #SharkWeak Review

Another shark movie, another Spielberg pun and it turns out that I didn’t judge “Raiders Of The Lost Shark” harshly enough, because one of its writers should have known better given they directed this errant nonsense some three years earlier. Welcome…to “Jurassic Shark”. When an oil company unwittingly unleashes a prehistoric shark from its icy … Continue reading Jurassic Shark (2011) #SharkWeak Review

My Life In Movies (#ThisIsYourFilm)

So…with it being my birthday, I figured why not do a post around the Twitter hashtag #ThisIsYourFilm where you choose your favourite movie from every year you’ve been alive. Piece of piss, right? Won’t take that long. Oh boy, was I wrong. Even now, as I’m writing this opening preamble, I’m still second-guessing some of … Continue reading My Life In Movies (#ThisIsYourFilm)

Underworld: Awakening (2012) Review

After the slightly tedious and unnecessary detour to the dim(ly lit) and distant past that was “Underworld: Rise Of The Lycans”, normal service is resumed as Beckinsale squeezes back into the corset and catsuit for “Underworld: Awakening”. The world has woken up to the presence of Vampires and Lycans and the humans are hell-bent on … Continue reading Underworld: Awakening (2012) Review

Tinker Bell And The Secret Of The Wings (2012) Review

I wasn’t particularly generous the first time I encountered one of Disney’s straight-to-video (although released theatrically in the UK) “Tinker Bell” movies. No, I wasn’t enamoured of “Tinker Bell And The Pirate Fairy” at all. My main complaint was how shoddily Zarina (the titular pirate fairy) was treated because she was so fascinated with science, … Continue reading Tinker Bell And The Secret Of The Wings (2012) Review

The Watch (2012) Review

Some films never really escape development hell, and “The Watch” spent four miserable years stuck in rewrites and recastings before finally limping into cinemas just in time for its marketing to be hastily pulled in the wake of real life tragedy. In retrospect, they should have just let this slip ignominiously to a quiet direct-to-DVD … Continue reading The Watch (2012) Review

Dredd (2012) Review + #DayOfDredd Competition: Win 1 of 3 Copies of the film on 3d BluRay

Starring Karl Urban, "Dredd" is a lean, muscular, unapologetically violent thriller based on the popular '2000AD' comic character. Stripping away the excess of the previous Sylvester Stallone film, "Dredd" takes us to a grittier Mega City One, as Dredd is evaluating rookie Judge Anderson (Olivia Thirlby). When they are called to the picturesque in name … Continue reading Dredd (2012) Review + #DayOfDredd Competition: Win 1 of 3 Copies of the film on 3d BluRay

30 Nights Of Paranormal Activity With The Devil Inside The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo (2012) Review

As I think I’ve admitted before, I've got a real soft spot for spoof movies. I’ve got a pretty high tolerance for scattergun comedy – I even found some things to enjoy in "Disaster Movie" – but this one really pushed its luck. There's more to making a spoof than just cramming in as many pop-culture … Continue reading 30 Nights Of Paranormal Activity With The Devil Inside The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo (2012) Review

Sharknado 2: The Second One (2014) Review

Sequels, eh? Always got to go bigger and outdo the one before. Of course, if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. But what if it’s totally, embarrassingly inept, shouldn’t you try and fix it just a tiny little bit? Not if you’re the makers of “Sharknado 2: The Second One”. No, siree. Instead, they demonstrate … Continue reading Sharknado 2: The Second One (2014) Review

Dark Shadows (2012) Review

"Dark Shadows" is a reboot of the long running, ever so slightly ludicrous daily TV supernatural horror soap opera which ran for five years from 1966 to 1971, managing to rack up 1,225 episodes. I had a vague awareness of “Dark Shadows” but had never seen any of it beyond the odd clip of low … Continue reading Dark Shadows (2012) Review

Premium Rush (2012) Review

It’s a bit of a tough sell: a thriller about a bicycle courier being chased through New York by guys in cars with guns but “Premium Rush” manages to pull it off thanks to a winning, high energy lead performance by Joseph Gordon-Levitt and snappy direction from David Koepp who keeps the action zipping along … Continue reading Premium Rush (2012) Review

This Is 40 (2012) Review

There's nothing like a feel-good comedy to make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside. But can you have a feel-bad comedy? Is that a thing? I'm making it a thing. "This Is 40" is a feel-bad comedy. Judd Apatow's sort of sequel to "Knocked Up" takes the characters of Pete (Paul Rudd) and Debbie … Continue reading This Is 40 (2012) Review

Fun Size (2012) Review

Directed by Josh Schwartz, the creator of "The O.C.", "Gossip Girl" and co-creator of "Chuck", "Fun Size" is a cute, well-intentioned and intermittently successful update of the 80's teen movie genre, especially "Adventures In Babysitting". This Halloween comedy stars Victoria Justice ("Zoey 101", "Victorious") as Wren DeSantis, a studious and college-bound girl and Jane Levy … Continue reading Fun Size (2012) Review

Grabbers (2012) Review

When a trawler crew witness a meteor splash down in the sea off the coast of Ireland, they naturally go to investigate and are never heard from again. Meanwhile, on nearby Erin Island, alcoholic Garda officer Ciarán O'Shea (Richard Coyle) is reluctantly welcoming his new partner, bright-eyed, eager and by the book Garda Lisa Nolan … Continue reading Grabbers (2012) Review

Pitch Perfect (2012) Review

“Pitch Perfect” is what “Glee” would be like, if “Glee” wasn’t so in your face about ‘issues’ and didn’t mistake tokenist diversity for good characterisation. Of course, “Pitch Perfect” has a suitably diverse cast of characters, it just doesn’t care about ramming it down your throat and saying “See? SEE?” before bursting into hysterical tears … Continue reading Pitch Perfect (2012) Review