The Core (2003) Review

If “Battleship” is a dumb remake of “Independence Day” (itself a dumb remake of “War Of The Worlds”) then “The Core” is the dumbest possible reimagining of Jules Verne's “Journey To The Centre Of The Earth”, combining ludicrously inaccurate science with terrible characters and stupefying dialogue (“Hack The Planet!”) and yet, it’s a film I’ve … Continue reading The Core (2003) Review

The Satanic Rites Of Dracula (1973) Dractober Review

We start out where “Dracula A.D. 1972” ended: with terrible music. This time, though, it actually sort of fits because “The Satanic Rites Of Dracula” actually is a cheesy seventies spy thriller of sorts. When a secret agent barely escapes from a secretive country house where he witnesses a satanic ritual in progress, he uses … Continue reading The Satanic Rites Of Dracula (1973) Dractober Review

Countess Dracula (1971) Dractober Review

Wait a minute! This movie isn't about Dracula. It’s not even about a ‘real’ vampire. I shall have to complain to the Dractober planning department about this one. Oh well, as we’re here, we might as well delve into this story of black magic and court intrigue based on the 16th century Hungarian Countess Erzsebet … Continue reading Countess Dracula (1971) Dractober Review

The Darkest Minds (2018) Review

It’s always prudent, if you’re going to copy ideas from other films, characters and books, not to have your characters discuss those very stories right while you’re pilfering them. It doesn’t take a ‘green’ to figure that out. When a mysterious virus afflicts the children of the world, killing nearly 98%, the survivors are viewed … Continue reading The Darkest Minds (2018) Review

Red Water (2003) #SharkWeak2 Review

A tiny bit of a step down from the glossy multiplex-friendly “Deep Blue Sea”, this 2003 TV movie may dial down the star wattage somewhat but it doesn’t turn the lights out completely: Lou Diamond Phillips! Kristy Swanson! Coolio! I mean, come on – what more could you want? Down-on-his-luck boat owner John Sanders is … Continue reading Red Water (2003) #SharkWeak2 Review

Adrift (2018) Review

The lure of a life of freedom on the open ocean is an easy one to understand, at least when the sea is a beautiful blue expanse, stretching out to an endless horizon. But the romantic picture postcard ideal doesn’t last long for Tami Oldham (Shailene Woodley) and Richard Sharp (Sam Claflin) when their trans-Pacific … Continue reading Adrift (2018) Review

13 Reasons Why – Season Two Review

Following on from the events of the first season, the trajectory of the second season of Netflix’s High School drama series charts a disappointingly similar course to its predecessor, with a sprinkling of new ingredients that neither improve nor detract from what’s come before. We have a few new students to focus on who mostly … Continue reading 13 Reasons Why – Season Two Review

Lost In Space Season One Review

In case you aren’t familiar with the 1960’s original, “Lost In Space” chronicles the adventures of the Robinson family, their faithful robot and the villainous Dr Smith as they venture through space. With the huge budget attached to the project there was a high level of expectation and trepidation regarding the reimaging of a cult … Continue reading Lost In Space Season One Review

The Alienist Season Review

It’s the late nineteenth century in New York and delinquent children are starting to go missing. Future President and newly appointed Police Commissioner Theodore Roosevelt (Brian Geraghty)contacts criminal psychologist Dr Laszlo Kreizler (Daniel Brühl) and illustrator John Moore (Luke Evans) for help to solve the case. When Dr Keizler and Mr Moore realise that the … Continue reading The Alienist Season Review

Sneaky Pete Season 2 Review

Previously on “Sneaky Pete”: Conman Marius Josipovic (Giovanni Ribisi) befriends Pete Murphy (Ethan Embry) when they become cellmates. When Marius is released, he decides to assume the identity of his still incarcerated friend to evade the wrath of a local gangster. But to successfully assume his identity, he’s going to have to convince Pete’s estranged … Continue reading Sneaky Pete Season 2 Review

A Wrinkle In Time (2018) Review

Buckling under the weight of its own aspirations, Ava DuVernay’s ambitious but flawed adaptation of adaptation of Madeleine L'Engle’s perennially popular sci-fi fantasy occasionally dazzles but all too often trips over its own feet. Four years after their scientist father disappeared, Meg (Storm Reid) and her adopted brother Charles Wallis (Deric McCabe) are told he … Continue reading A Wrinkle In Time (2018) Review

Tomb Raider (2018) Review

There is a criminal offence on the UK statute books, specifically section 35 of the Offences against the Person Act 1861 (subsequently amended by section 1(2) of the Criminal Justice Act 1948) which reads: ‘Whosoever, having the charge of any carriage or vehicle, shall by wanton or furious driving or racing, or other wilful misconduct, or … Continue reading Tomb Raider (2018) Review

Red Sparrow (2018) Review

Disney and Marvel can at least rest easy: “Red Sparrow” certainly isn’t the “Black Widow” solo movie by another name its marketing might have initially suggested. Instead, it’s something of a convoluted pseudo- John le Carré caper which leans heavily on sex, nudity and violence to disguise its flimsy characters and overcomplicated espionage shell game. … Continue reading Red Sparrow (2018) Review

Maze Runner: The Death Cure (2018) Review

Starting with a train heist which plays out like Disney sinking all their money into a live-action remake of “Toy Story 3”, the third and final instalment of “The Maze Runner” trilogy starts with enough energy and inventiveness that it almost makes you forget it’s been three years since “The Scorch Trials”, thanks to an … Continue reading Maze Runner: The Death Cure (2018) Review

The Commuter (2018) Review

Mrs Craggus has a recurring complaint about Liam Neeson, specifically that in many (she says all) of his roles, he just happens to be the exactly skilled person the plot needs. When his daughter is kidnapped, he has that ‘special set of skills’, when his commercial flight is threatened by terrorists, it turns out he’s … Continue reading The Commuter (2018) Review

Early Man (2018) Review

If you’re looking forward to a culture-clash comedy which puts the hysterical into pre-historical, then “Early Man” may leave you feeling sick as a parrot. When Dug (Eddie Redmayne) and his tribe are kicked out of their idyllic valley by the bronze-clad forces of Lord Nooth (Tom Hiddleston), he decides to challenge the invaders to … Continue reading Early Man (2018) Review

Downsizing (2018) Review

Not the quirky high concept comedy the trailer promises, “Downsizing” instead sets out to suggest that no matter how small you make youself, the big problems – the really big problems – never really go away. Concerned by runaway population growth, Norwegian scientist Dr. Asbjørnsen (Rolf Lassgård) invents an irreversible process which shrinks a person … Continue reading Downsizing (2018) Review

Pitch Perfect 3 (2017) Review

In The Craggus household, many films are held sacrosanct but maybe none, save perhaps now “The Greatest Showman”, unite the clan in happy song as much as “Pitch Perfect 2”; fresh, funny and toe-tappingly, finger-snappingly, irresistibly sing-alongable, the soundtrack rivals even that of “Guardians Of The Galaxy” for in-car entertainment supremacy. It’s into this crucible … Continue reading Pitch Perfect 3 (2017) Review

Ferdinand (2017) Review

Adapted from Munro Leaf’s beloved 1936 children’s book, Blue Sky Studio’s “Ferdinand” is also a remake of Disney’s 1938 Silly Symphony short of the same story. In light of the proposed acquisition of Fox by Disney, this movie offers an interesting example of the differences between the two studios. Ferdinand (John Cena) is different from … Continue reading Ferdinand (2017) Review

Battle Of The Sexes (2017) Review

One of the main, dispiriting takeaways from this biographical sports dramedy, which is as muddled as its genre classification, is that the more things change, the more they stay the same. In the present climate where sexism, discrimination and equality are at the very bleeding edge of public consciousness, “Battle Of The Sexes” fails to … Continue reading Battle Of The Sexes (2017) Review

Star Trek: Discovery – Si Vis Pacem, Para Bellum (S1E08) Review

*SPOILERS* If you type the title of this week’s episode into Google Translate, you get “If you want peace, prepare Geller”, but you can quash those fanfic dreams of the Discovery crew encountering the cast of “Friends” – this episode is all about confirming that any suspicions you might be harbouring about Ash Tyler are … Continue reading Star Trek: Discovery – Si Vis Pacem, Para Bellum (S1E08) Review

The Road To Ragnarok: The Incredible Hulk Returns (1988) Review

Way, way back before 2012’s “Avengers Assemble”, The Hulk and Thor came face to face in “The Incredible Hulk Returns”, the first in a trilogy of TV movies reviving the much-loved show. David Banner (Bill Bixby) has been living quietly, without the emergence of the Hulk, as Dr David Bannion, a research scientist at an … Continue reading The Road To Ragnarok: The Incredible Hulk Returns (1988) Review

To The Devil A Daughter (1976) #MonthOfSpooks Review

I’ve often used @TheMarckoGuy’s #Month Of Spooks as a chance to catch up on classic horror movie’s I’ve never seen before but this year, I decided to revisit a film which freaked me all the way out when I first saw it at probably far too young an age. John Verney (Richard Widmark) is an … Continue reading To The Devil A Daughter (1976) #MonthOfSpooks Review

Kingsman: The Golden Circle (2017) Review

“Kingsman: The Secret Service”, a gleefully disrespectful, violent and funny action reworking of “My Fair Lady” was an unexpected delight, right up until it ended on a decidedly bum note. Regrettably, in tuning up for the sequel, write Jane Goldman and director Matthew Vaughan have taken that same note as the opening for their latest … Continue reading Kingsman: The Golden Circle (2017) Review

Greedy (1994) Review

Something of a lost movie, “Greedy” features a cracking cast of 1990s comic talent in an old-fashioned farce as a family vie for their elderly uncle’s affections and, more importantly, vast fortune. Uncle Joe (Kirk Douglas) isn't getting any younger or any less curmudgeonly. He’s also a millionaire, which is why his family is trying … Continue reading Greedy (1994) Review

The Nut Job 2: Nutty By Nature (2017) Review

Yet another in the bafflingly long list of animated films which didn’t deserve a sequel, the follow-up to 2014’s “The Nut Job” is now in UK cinemas. Here’s the surprising bit: it’s not that bad. When the Nut Shop is suddenly destroyed, Surly the squirrel (Will Arnett) is faced with the prospect of returning to … Continue reading The Nut Job 2: Nutty By Nature (2017) Review

Shark Attack 3: Megalodon (2002) #SharkWeak Review

Make no mistake, this is the movie Jason Statham's forthcoming “Meg” needs to beat. “Shark Attack 3” completely ignores the previous two films (returning cast member Jenny McShane plays a completely different character) and moves the action from South Africa to Mexico. Ariba! This time out our biggest ‘name’ is John Barrowman. Ay ay ay, … Continue reading Shark Attack 3: Megalodon (2002) #SharkWeak Review

47 Metres Down (2017) Review

“47 Metres Down” might have the alluring lustre of a cinema release, but under the surface lurks the silent, gliding cliché of just another dumb shark movie. I gave serious consideration to folding this review into #SharkWeak but I’m feeling generous and although “47 Metres Down” makes some mistakes, it’s nowhere near “Sharknado” bad. Sisters … Continue reading 47 Metres Down (2017) Review

Cars (2006) Review

For a studio which prides itself on its dedication to story crafting and world building, “Cars” is a curious beast. The world it presents and the way it presents it simply doesn’t make sense. Reportedly a passion project for keen petrol head and Pixar chief John Lasseter, it comes across as more of a vanity … Continue reading Cars (2006) Review

Ghost In The Shell (2017) Review

If it wasn’t for the overblown ‘controversy’ over casting, the live-action remake of “Ghost In The Shell” might have struggled to generate much attention at all. In the not too distant future, cybernetic enhancements are almost universal, blurring the lines between humanity and robots. Major (Scarlett Johansson), a human mind inside an entirely robotic body, … Continue reading Ghost In The Shell (2017) Review

Life (2017) Review

If there’s one thing you can say about the movie “Life”, is that it answers the question ‘Is there life on Mars?’ fairly quickly. In fact, it answers it in the trailer so there’s little time wasted in getting to the ‘good’ stuff. When a returning probe from Mars returns with a sample of a … Continue reading Life (2017) Review

Mighty Morphin Power Rangers: The Movie (1995) Review

At the height of their TV popularity, it was a no-brainer to bring the brightly coloured chop socky antics of the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers to the big screen. Tiring of Rita Repulsa’s continued failures to eliminate the Rangers, Lord Zed revives Ivan Ooze from his six millennia imprisonment. Ooze quickly destroys Zordon’s base, robbing … Continue reading Mighty Morphin Power Rangers: The Movie (1995) Review

Bad Moms (2016) Review

Finally, a bawdy comedy for women, breaking that final glass ceiling and proving that arrested development and irresponsible self-indulgence isn’t just for men anymore, “Bad Moms” is slow to find its footing but eventually settles into a surprisingly familiar comic groove. Harassed mum Amy (Mila Kunis) is at her wits’ end, trying to have it … Continue reading Bad Moms (2016) Review

Underworld: Blood Wars (2017) Review

Oh my god, we’re Drac again. Ding! Ding! Welcome, ladies and gentlemen to round 5 of the grand title bout. In the blue corner, the hairy biters, the silver dodging doggies, it’s their time of the month all month long…the werewolves Lycans! In the…er…other, slightly darker blue corner (because it’s an “Underworld” movie so there’s … Continue reading Underworld: Blood Wars (2017) Review

Allied (2016) Review

Despite its intriguing premise and impressive pedigree, “Allied” resembles nothing as much as a lavish big screen reimagining of “’Allo ‘Allo”. In 1942, a Canadian RAF spy encounters a female French Resistance fighter on a deadly mission Vichy occupied Morocco. Later reunited in London, their relationship blossoms into love but as the war grinds on, … Continue reading Allied (2016) Review

The Rocky Horror Picture Show: Let’s Do The Timewarp Again (2016) #MonthOfSpooks Review

It’s astounding. Time really is fleeting. It’s been over forty years since Richard O’Brien’s anarchic, subversive and brazenly salacious musical horror comedy exploded onto the big screen. Buoyed by their recent successes with “Grease Live”, Fox raided their back catalogue to bring Frank-N-Furter and co romping into the twenty-first century. When straight-laced couple Brad and … Continue reading The Rocky Horror Picture Show: Let’s Do The Timewarp Again (2016) #MonthOfSpooks Review

Harlequin (2016) Short Film Review

Following up his first production, “Layla”, director Jakob Lewis Barnes encounters the renowned ‘difficult’ second movie with the forthcoming “Harlequin”. Short films can be tricky things to review. The brief running time gives the artists involved an acutely finite amount of time to convey their vision. Another exercise in abstract, experimental filmmaking, “Harlequin” brings a melancholic, … Continue reading Harlequin (2016) Short Film Review

Storks (2016) Review

‘Where do babies come from?’ isn’t a question I intend to answer in this review but as to where babies may get their attention spans from, this hit and miss scattergun animated comedy may provide some clues. Junior (Andy Samberg) is the lead delivery Stork for Cornerstore.com, in line to become the boss when his … Continue reading Storks (2016) Review

Sausage Party (2016) Review

You know those hilarious conversations when you’re shooting the shit with your friends, high or drunk or whatever? Now, imagine someone made an animated movie based on them. Welcome to “Sausage Party”. In a world where food has consciousness, all they ever want is to be chosen and taken to ‘the great beyond’. But when … Continue reading Sausage Party (2016) Review

Mike And Dave Need Wedding Dates (2016) Review

They say the dose makes the poison and your enjoyment of boisterous comedy “Mike And Dave Need Wedding Dates” will depend very much on your individual tolerance of Adam Devine. Mike and Dave Stangle (Adam Devine and Zac Efron), the poster boys for arrested development, are given an ultimatum leading up to their beloved sister’s … Continue reading Mike And Dave Need Wedding Dates (2016) Review

Jason Bourne (2016) Review

“Jason Bourne” sees the reluctant super-spy facing his deadliest foe yet: the irrefutable sense of unnecessariness. When Nicky Parsons (Julia Stiles) reaches out to an isolated and off-grid David Webb Jason Bourne (Matt Damon), it kicks off a chain of events that leads the CIA to try once again to capture or kill the errant … Continue reading Jason Bourne (2016) Review

Ghostbusters II (1989) #Rediscovered

“Ghostbusters II” is the sequel nobody wanted to make, and boy does it show. It betrays the ending of the first film in a worse way than “The Matrix Reloaded” does. If you’re currently girding your loins to decry and condemn the unnecessary remaking of the original 1984 classic “Ghostbusters”, you might want to start … Continue reading Ghostbusters II (1989) #Rediscovered

Central Intelligence (2016) Review

Are you a fan of Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson? Sure you are. How could you not be? He’s cinema’s reigning charisma champion. Having helped to reinvigorate the “Fast And Furious” franchise, Journeyed ‘2’ The Mysterious Island and held the San Andreas Fault together with his bare hands, now he’s out to rock the world of … Continue reading Central Intelligence (2016) Review

Independence Day: Resurgence (2016) Review

Just in time for the phrase to become politically loaded and potentially tarnished, “Independence Day” returns to cinemas with a sequel two decades in the making. As Earth prepares to celebrate 20 years since the last alien invasion, it falls to current President Lanford (Sela Ward) to reset the counter because – whoops, apocalypse – … Continue reading Independence Day: Resurgence (2016) Review

Alice Through The Looking Glass (2016) Review

While 2010’s “Alice In Wonderland” may have left critics unimpressed, audiences embraced its restless, kooky energy as Lewis Carroll’s mastery of the absurd and impossible was filtered through the dark kaleidoscope of Tim Burton’s vision. Six years later, “The Muppets” & “Muppets Most Wanted” director James Bobin has been tasked with delivering a sequel. Alice … Continue reading Alice Through The Looking Glass (2016) Review

Bad Neighbours 2 (2016) Review

I love “Bad Neighbours”, even though it represented a watershed moment for me personally: it was the first time I’d found myself siding with the ‘boring’ old folk in a war of the generations comedy. I’m not getting any younger so sure, sign me up for another tour of duty and let the second park … Continue reading Bad Neighbours 2 (2016) Review

Unfriended (2015) Review

I have to say, I honestly thought the first real foray into ‘social networking’ horror movie would be some form of Snapchat exchange movie, where the plot unfolds in a series of 10 second vignettes building up to some shocking twist. [Actually, that’s not a bad idea for a cheap and terrible horror movie. Hollywood, … Continue reading Unfriended (2015) Review

Ratchet & Clank (2016) Review

Veterans of more than a dozen video games, Ratchet and Clank are the latest pixelated characters to find the leap from platform pleaser to popcorn powerhouse is more than any double jump or button mashing can easily manage. When the galaxy is threatened by Chairman Drek and his fearsome Deplanetizer, it’s up to a plucky … Continue reading Ratchet & Clank (2016) Review

Bastille Day (2016) Review

Ever since Daniel Craig’s less than effusive publicity tour for “SPECTRE”, speculation has been rife as to who the next Bond will be. The pretenders to the throne have likewise wasted no time in setting out their stalls with ‘auditions’ of their own. Runner up to the role last time Henry Cavill gave us a … Continue reading Bastille Day (2016) Review

Hardcore Henry (2016) Review

A more intensely intimate version of ‘found footage’, POV is a camera perspective which has struggled to gain traction outside of two niches: video games and porn. There’s barely a hint of the latter, but “Hardcore Henry” owes a great deal to first person shooters. Waking up in a laboratory, Henry finds himself resurrected with … Continue reading Hardcore Henry (2016) Review