Mile 22 (2018) Review

“Mile 22” is a movie every bit as toxically moronic, tone-deaf and self-flagellating as a daily schedule which starts the day at 2:30am for literally no good reason. It’s a hateful, ignorant and needlessly, excessively profane geopolitical cartoon scrawled in crayon on the bathroom stall of cinema; a Neanderthal cave painting, rendered in excrement. When … Continue reading Mile 22 (2018) Review

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The Equalizer 2 (2018) Review

I’m enough of a fan of the original TV show “The Equalizer” to wish Antoine Fuqua had found a way to incorporate Stewart Copeland’s superb synth-driven theme tune into this modern reinterpretation. But my favourite part of the TV series was always the helping out of ‘the little guy’ rather than the bigger, over-arching spycraft … Continue reading The Equalizer 2 (2018) Review

Atomic Shark (2016) #SharkWeak2 Review

There’s no denying the ambition of this frankly barmy entry in the sharksploitation oeuvre, opening as it does with an ominous montage of underwater scenes intercut with Cold War newsreel footage and Robert Oppenheimer quotes. It’s the closest we get to a real explanation of how the shark became nuclear, so just go with it. … Continue reading Atomic Shark (2016) #SharkWeak2 Review

Mega Shark vs Kolossus (2015) #SharkWeak2 Review

Sometime in the future, the world has yet to recover from the last mega shark attack. A voiceover tells us that the near total halt of global shipping plus a general avoidance of the coast and water by the population of the world has had a devastating economic impact. We’re told this over footage of … Continue reading Mega Shark vs Kolossus (2015) #SharkWeak2 Review

3-Headed Shark Attack (2015) #SharkWeak2 Review

A 3-headed shark suddenly attacks a group of partying teenagers, killing all of them except one who was on a buoy while the rest of the teens were at the beach. The shark then proceeds to attack the Persephone, an underwater research facility studying the Pacific Garbage Patch. Some of the research personnel manage to … Continue reading 3-Headed Shark Attack (2015) #SharkWeak2 Review

Mega Shark vs Mecha Shark (2014) #SharkWeak2 Review

Previously, on “Mega Shark vs...”, our fishy anti-hero and his reptilian rival were poached to death by an underwater volcano, and it would appear that was indeed that. But fear not, a drought in the Mediterranean has prompted an entrepreneur to tow an iceberg to the afflicted area but – wouldn’t you know it – … Continue reading Mega Shark vs Mecha Shark (2014) #SharkWeak2 Review

Mega Shark vs Crocosaurus (2010) #SharkWeak2 Review

Way down deep in the middle of the Congo, an illegal diamond mining operation unearths a giant 150-foot crocodile because of course it does. At the same time, in the middle of the Atlantic, the US Navy warship USS Gibson (haha geddit? Because Debbie Gibson was in the first one but isn’t in this one. … Continue reading Mega Shark vs Crocosaurus (2010) #SharkWeak2 Review

Deep Blue Sea (1999) #SharkWeak2 Review

Fittingly, we open #SharkWeak2 not with a terrible shark movie, but with a surprisingly seminal one with many of the modern sharksploitation tropes finding their roots in this turn of the millennium action adventure. When rogue scientist Dr Susan McAlester (Saffron Burrows) makes a last-ditch appeal to her corporate sponsor Russell Franklin (Samuel L Jackson) … Continue reading Deep Blue Sea (1999) #SharkWeak2 Review

Ant-Man And The Wasp (2018) Review

Released as their 20th movie, in their 10th Anniversary year, it shouldn’t come as a surprise to anyone that “Ant-Man And The Wasp” is reassuringly reliable entertainment, exactly what we’ve come to expect from the Marvel Cinematic Universe. What may be unexpected is how well this tale works as a palate cleanser after the universe-altering … Continue reading Ant-Man And The Wasp (2018) Review

Last Action Hero (1993) 25th Anniversary Review

Perennially underrated, often unfairly maligned (even by Schwarzenegger himself) as his first real failure, ironic action movie masterpiece “Last Action Hero” is twenty-five years old this year and way overdue for a reappraisal. Danny Madigan (Austin O'Brien) prefers the movies to the trials and tribulations of real life, especially the adventures of his all-time favourite … Continue reading Last Action Hero (1993) 25th Anniversary Review

Mission: Impossible – Fallout (2018) Review

The unstoppable Tom Cruise, Movie StarTM is back in 2018’s best action movie bar none. “Fallout” completes a “Fast & Furious”-style transformation of the franchise and leaves its famously diminutive leading man head and shoulders above the rest of the action competition. When a mission to recover three stolen uranium cores is interrupted by the … Continue reading Mission: Impossible – Fallout (2018) Review

Hotel Artemis (2018) Review

I approached “Hotel Artemis” with an uneasy trepidation, born out of learning that it ran for a trim (these days) 96 minutes. My reasoning was simple: usually a high-concept star-powered action thriller that runs around the hour and a half mark is a sign of something going wrong and a desperate attempt to save the … Continue reading Hotel Artemis (2018) Review

Incredibles 2 (2018) Review

Picking up mere moments after the first film ended, “Incredibles 2” wastes no time in re-treading the same ground as its illustrious predecessor. Brad Bird had been reluctant to make a sequel to his superhero magnum opus until he figured out the right story. It turns out, the right story was pretty much the one … Continue reading Incredibles 2 (2018) Review

Skyscraper (2018) Review

Possibly one to avoid if you’re pyrophobic and, indeed, acrophobic, “Skyscraper” sees Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson’s security consultant tackle a towering inferno with a plucky, die-hard attitude. Injured when a hostage crisis ends in tragedy, FBI agent Will Sawyer (Dwayne Johnson) loses a leg and his appetite for frontline duty. Years later, he’s an independent … Continue reading Skyscraper (2018) Review

The Incredibles (2004) Review

There are very few films as perfect as “The Incredibles”. Not only does it work flawlessly as one of the finest ever examples of a superhero movie, it also serves as an insightful deconstruction and analysis of the genre itself and still finds time to satirise the rise of entitled fan culture with a prescience … Continue reading The Incredibles (2004) Review

The First Purge (2018) Review

What better viewing choice on the 4th of July than the latest instalment in the satirical horror series, one that goes back to the beginning and commemorates the very start of the decline of the land of the so-called free? “The First Purge” sets out to explain just how a society could come to adopt … Continue reading The First Purge (2018) Review

Happy! Season One Review

Former Detective Nick Sax is an alcoholic loner who relies on narcotics to fill his life with meaning and interest, in turn relying on his skills as a gun for hire to provide for his habits. However, after having a near death experience he is visited by Happy, a small blue flying unicorn which only … Continue reading Happy! Season One Review

Cliffhanger (1993) 25th Anniversary Review

Celebrating its UK release’s 25th Anniversary, “Cliffhanger” saw Sylvester Stallone return to the genre which had nurtured him after the critical and artistic losing streak which started with “Rocky V” and hit rock bottom with “Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot”. Teaming up with action director for hire Renny Harlin, Stallone delivered a stripped-back high … Continue reading Cliffhanger (1993) 25th Anniversary Review

The Best Of Buffy The Vampire Slayer

Fifteen years ago, “Buffy The Vampire Slayer” aired its final episode “Chosen” on Sky One here in the UK (some three weeks or so after its US airdate), so it’s the perfect time for Sweetie G – the person who introduced me to Buffy – and me to sit down and agree our Top Ten … Continue reading The Best Of Buffy The Vampire Slayer

Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom (2018) Review

*SPOILERS, I GUESS (IF YOU HAVEN’T SEEN THE TRAILERS)* I’ve long nurtured a theory about the Jurassic movie series, which is the secret ingredient to a really good “Jurassic Park” film isn’t the dinosaurs, it’s the park. “Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom” confirms the theory by breaking the deadlock 3 to 2. The dinosaurs are the … Continue reading Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom (2018) Review

Deadpool 2 (2018) Review

Although I’m a little disappointed that they didn’t just stick with “Untitled Deadpool Sequel” as the official title, “Deadpool 2” brings the Merc with the mouth back, and he’s bolder than ever as he looks to avoid the pitfalls of the ‘difficult second album’. When Wade Wilson (Ryan Reynolds)’s cavalier attitude ends up costing him … Continue reading Deadpool 2 (2018) Review

Avengers: Infinity War (2018) Review

There was an idea: to bring together a group of remarkable franchises, to see if they could become something bigger. So when we wanted more, they could bring us the battles we never could’ve believed we’d ever see on the big screen. The Mad Titan is finally making his move and first to feel the … Continue reading Avengers: Infinity War (2018) Review

Craggus’ Countdown To Infinity: Black Panther (2018)

As he prepares to ascend to the throne of Wakanda, T’Challa (Chadwick Boseman) wrestles with his nation’s history of isolation and what that means in the modern world. But T’Challa’s troubles are compounded by the sins of his father whose actions decades previously have set in motion events which will culminate in a battle for … Continue reading Craggus’ Countdown To Infinity: Black Panther (2018)

Craggus’ Countdown To Infinity: Thor: Ragnarok (2017)

Driven by recurring dreams of the destruction of Asgard, Thor (Chris Hemsworth) allows himself to be captured by fire demon Surtur in order to pre-empt and prevent Ragnarok. Returning to Asgard, Thor forces Loki (Tom Hiddleston) to reveal himself and confess to where Odin (Anthony Hopkins) is being held. But Odin’s absence has and Loki’s … Continue reading Craggus’ Countdown To Infinity: Thor: Ragnarok (2017)

Craggus’ Countdown To Infinity: Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)

Following his adventure with the Avengers in Germany, Peter Parker (Tom Holland) finds himself back in Queens, New York, balancing his school days with nights spent patrolling the neighbourhood as Spider-Man. Mentored by Tony Stark (Robert Downey Jr), Peter’s reluctant to return to the small-scale crime fighting he’s confronted with in his own neck of … Continue reading Craggus’ Countdown To Infinity: Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)

Craggus’ Countdown To Infinity: Guardians Of The Galaxy Vol 2 (2017)

After a spot of mischievous larceny by Rocket angers their most recent client, Ayesha, High Priestess of The Sovereign People, the Guardians find themselves fleeing from the Sovereign fleet and crash-land on a nearby planet thanks to Star-Lord and Rocket's squabbling. But their argument is interrupted by the arrival of another ship, piloted by Ego … Continue reading Craggus’ Countdown To Infinity: Guardians Of The Galaxy Vol 2 (2017)

Craggus’ Countdown To Infinity: Doctor Strange (2016)

Arrogant and gifted neurosurgeon Stephen Strange (Benedict Cumberbatch) is sailing through life, aloof from the world around him until he suffers a catastrophic car accident which permanently damages the nerves in his hands. Seeking a cure of last resort, Strange travels to Tibet where he encounters The Ancient One (Tilda Swinton) who opens his mind … Continue reading Craggus’ Countdown To Infinity: Doctor Strange (2016)

Craggus’ Countdown To Infinity: Captain America: Civil War (2016)

In the wake of the destruction in Sokovia and a pitched battle against Crossbones in Nigeria, the governments of the world come together in an attempt to curtail and control the Avengers’ activities under a UN council. As the prospect of political control splits the Avengers down the middle, the sudden re-emergence of The Winter … Continue reading Craggus’ Countdown To Infinity: Captain America: Civil War (2016)

Craggus’ Countdown To Infinity: Ant-Man (2015)

Scientist Hank Pym (Michael Douglas) has spent his life keeping his creation out of the hands of SHIELD and any other world power but when his former protégé Darren Cross (Corey Stoll) manages to recreate some of his work, he is forced to recruit talented thief Scott Lang (Paul Rudd) to help him and his … Continue reading Craggus’ Countdown To Infinity: Ant-Man (2015)

Craggus’ Countdown To Infinity: Avengers: Age Of Ultron (2015)

The Avengers have been chasing down the remnants of Hydra and trying to locate and retrieve Loki’s staff. The mission is a success despite the intervention of two ‘enhanced’ individuals and the sceptre is returned to Avengers Tower where Bruce Banner and Tony Stark work to unlock its secrets in the hope of bringing their … Continue reading Craggus’ Countdown To Infinity: Avengers: Age Of Ultron (2015)

Craggus’ Countdown To Infinity: Guardians Of The Galaxy (2014)

Far out in space, Peter Quill (aka Star-Lord) – abducted from Earth when he was a young boy – steals a mysterious orb and immediately finds himself the centre of a galactic manhunt. Pursued by the evil and merciless Ronan The Accuser, he is captured by the Nova Corps and forced into an uneasy alliance … Continue reading Craggus’ Countdown To Infinity: Guardians Of The Galaxy (2014)

Craggus’ Countdown To Infinity: Captain America: The Winter Soldier (2013)

During an anti-terrorist SHIELD mission, Captain America becomes suspicious of the activities of his colleagues and learns that SHIELD is planning an ambitious Project Insight. When Nick Fury is assassinated by The Winter Soldier, Cap quickly finds himself on the run from the authorities and under threat from the very same assassin, a man with … Continue reading Craggus’ Countdown To Infinity: Captain America: The Winter Soldier (2013)

Craggus’ Countdown To Infinity: Thor: The Dark World (2013)

Having restored peace to the Nine Realms, Thor (Chris Hemsworth) returns to Asgard in triumph. Meanwhile on Earth, Jane Foster (Natalie Portman) stumbles across a dimensional rift where the Aether has long been hidden. Her disappearance is noted by Heimdall, prompting Thor to return to Earth but her discovery of the Aether has also awakened … Continue reading Craggus’ Countdown To Infinity: Thor: The Dark World (2013)

Craggus’ Countdown To Infinity: Iron Man 3 (2013)

With the USA under siege by a terrorist known as The Mandarin, things get personal for Tony Stark when ‘Happy’ Hogan is injured in one of his bombings. Challenging the terrorists to come and get him, Tony is caught out when they do just that. Cut off and alone with a malfunctioning, prototype suit, Stark … Continue reading Craggus’ Countdown To Infinity: Iron Man 3 (2013)

Rampage (2018) Review

Opening with a better version of the movie “Life” than “Life” itself managed to provide, “Rampage” sees perennial box-office bester Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson take on his most difficult opponent yet: a video game adaptation. When illegal space-based genetic experimentation crashes back down to Earth, it has an immediate and unfortunate effect on the wildlife. … Continue reading Rampage (2018) Review

Craggus’ Countdown To Infinity: The Avengers/ Avengers Assemble (2012)

When Loki appears in a SHIELD facility and steals the Tesseract, Nick Fury decides its time to mobilise the Avengers. But bringing together a group of heroes is quite different from creating a team and with an alien invasion imminent, Iron Man, Captain America, Thor, Black Widow, Hawkeye and The Hulk will need to find … Continue reading Craggus’ Countdown To Infinity: The Avengers/ Avengers Assemble (2012)

Craggus’ Countdown To Infinity: Captain America: The First Avenger (2011)

Rejected multiple times for military service during World War II, Steve Rogers volunteers for a top-secret programme aimed at creating the ultimate soldier. When his qualities put him at the head of the pack, he undergoes an experimental procedure which gives him superhuman strength and endurance, but the experiment is interrupted by agents of HYDRA. … Continue reading Craggus’ Countdown To Infinity: Captain America: The First Avenger (2011)

Craggus’ Countdown To Infinity: Thor (2011)

After an disastrous assault on Jotunheim, the home of the Frost Giants, Thor (Chris Hemsworth) is banished by Odin (Anthony Hopkins) for his recklessness. Exiled to Earth while his brother Loki (Tom Hiddleston) stages a coup, Thor’s only chance of returning to Asgard is to prove himself worthy to wield the enchanted hammer Mjölnir which … Continue reading Craggus’ Countdown To Infinity: Thor (2011)

Craggus’ Countdown To Infinity: Iron Man 2 (2010)

Revelling in his new-found fame, Tony Stark (Robert Downey Jr) is hiding a secret: the very thing which saved his life and powers his suit is killing him. Seeking to secure his legacy in the face of ambitious rivals and a suspicious Government, Stark's behaviour grows ever more erratic and unpredictable as his penchant for … Continue reading Craggus’ Countdown To Infinity: Iron Man 2 (2010)

Craggus’ Countdown To Infinity: The Incredible Hulk (2008)

When his cover is blown thanks to an accident in a bottling plant, Doctor Bruce Banner (Edward Norton) returns to the United States to seek the help of a mysterious ‘Mr Blue’ who may hold the key to undoing his Gamma poisoning. But General Ross (William Hurt) is hot on his trail, along with Emile … Continue reading Craggus’ Countdown To Infinity: The Incredible Hulk (2008)

Craggus’ Countdown To Infinity: Iron Man (2008)

When billionaire playboy industrialist Tony Stark (Robert Downey Jr) is kidnapped and mortally wounded during a terrorist ambush in Afghanistan, he must use every ounce of his ingenuity to survive and escape. Returning home a changed man, Stark decides to start righting the wrongs of his past and takes his first step into a larger … Continue reading Craggus’ Countdown To Infinity: Iron Man (2008)

Guardians (2017) Review

In “Captain America: Civil War”, when discussing the Sokovia Accords, Vision concedes that ‘Our very strength invites challenge. Challenge incites conflict. And conflict breeds catastrophe.’ If the MCU's strength is undeniable, “Guardians” is the catastrophe. During the Cold War, a secret Soviet Army division called Patriot conducted genetic experiments on citizens, creating mutations with dangerous … Continue reading Guardians (2017) Review

Pacific Rim: Uprising (2018) Review

The original “Pacific Rim” was a deceptively simple rock-‘em, sock-‘em giant robots versus giant monsters movie, blessed with a sumptuous visual elegance, an ocular feast of inky darkness and shadows and iridescent neons and a sly, witty self-awareness that knew just how to push its outlandish premise. It’s sequel, on the other hand, drags the … Continue reading Pacific Rim: Uprising (2018) Review

Tomb Raider (2018) Review

There is a criminal offence on the UK statute books, specifically section 35 of the Offences against the Person Act 1861 (subsequently amended by section 1(2) of the Criminal Justice Act 1948) which reads: ‘Whosoever, having the charge of any carriage or vehicle, shall by wanton or furious driving or racing, or other wilful misconduct, or … Continue reading Tomb Raider (2018) Review

Maze Runner: The Death Cure (2018) Review

Starting with a train heist which plays out like Disney sinking all their money into a live-action remake of “Toy Story 3”, the third and final instalment of “The Maze Runner” trilogy starts with enough energy and inventiveness that it almost makes you forget it’s been three years since “The Scorch Trials”, thanks to an … Continue reading Maze Runner: The Death Cure (2018) Review

Black Panther (2018) Review

On the eve of the Infinity War, it’s a demonstration of Marvel’s confidence and courage that they’re prepared to step out of their main narrative to bring us this sumptuous, dazzling and vibrant action adventure movie that has a lot to say not just about the world as the MCU shows it but the real … Continue reading Black Panther (2018) Review

Star Trek: Discovery – Will You Take My Hand? (S1E15) Review

*SPOILERS* I’d be lying if I said I was boldly going in to the season finale. The going has been pretty rough at times and with a series that’s proved itself so inept at delivering payoffs to its (often admittedly impressive) setups, part of me dreaded the thought of what such a series would do … Continue reading Star Trek: Discovery – Will You Take My Hand? (S1E15) Review

Star Trek: Discovery – The War Without, The War Within (S1E14) Review

*SPOILERS* Oh man, have you seen “The Cloverfield Paradox”? No, of course not because Monday night is “Star Trek: Discovery” night! As we learned last week, the USS Discovery has been missing for nine months and the baby of destiny that’s gestated in that time is an imminent Klingon victory. While they wait to make … Continue reading Star Trek: Discovery – The War Without, The War Within (S1E14) Review

Star Trek: Discovery – What’s Past Is Prologue (S1E13) Review

*SPOILERS* By this point, “Star Trek: Discovery” has used more quotes as titles than you could shake a spear at (it’s also batting way above average in getting characters to announce the episode title in dialogue) and after last week’s dip into the Scottish play, this week’s is lifted from “The Tempest”: ‘What’s Past Is … Continue reading Star Trek: Discovery – What’s Past Is Prologue (S1E13) Review

The Commuter (2018) Review

Mrs Craggus has a recurring complaint about Liam Neeson, specifically that in many (she says all) of his roles, he just happens to be the exactly skilled person the plot needs. When his daughter is kidnapped, he has that ‘special set of skills’, when his commercial flight is threatened by terrorists, it turns out he’s … Continue reading The Commuter (2018) Review