Blade (1998) 20th Anniversary Review

Twenty years before “Black Panther”, Marvel partnered with New Line to release a black-led superhero movie which would see them help kick-start the current superhero boom as well as changing the course of their movie adaptations to that point. Born as his mother was dying from a vampire attack, Blade (Wesley Snipes) possesses all of … Continue reading Blade (1998) 20th Anniversary Review

The Core (2003) Review

If “Battleship” is a dumb remake of “Independence Day” (itself a dumb remake of “War Of The Worlds”) then “The Core” is the dumbest possible reimagining of Jules Verne's “Journey To The Centre Of The Earth”, combining ludicrously inaccurate science with terrible characters and stupefying dialogue (“Hack The Planet!”) and yet, it’s a film I’ve … Continue reading The Core (2003) Review

Van Helsing (2004) Dractober Review

Universal have been trying to resurrect their Dark Universe for a lot longer than you may think. Back in 2004, emboldened by the quick one-two hits of “The Mummy” and “The Mummy Returns”, they decided to give director Stephen Sommers the whole Universal Monster toy box. Unfortunately, what he came up with was a textbook … Continue reading Van Helsing (2004) Dractober Review

Goosebumps 2: Haunted Halloween #MonthOfSpooks Review

There’s no rest for the Tenacious as Jack Black finds himself back amongst the spooky goings-on, although this time around, it’s Slappy calling the shots. When Sonny (Jeremy Ray Taylor) and Sam (Caleel Harris) find a magic book that brings a ventriloquist’s dummy to life, their Halloween horror is only just beginning. The dummy is … Continue reading Goosebumps 2: Haunted Halloween #MonthOfSpooks Review

The Satanic Rites Of Dracula (1973) Dractober Review

We start out where “Dracula A.D. 1972” ended: with terrible music. This time, though, it actually sort of fits because “The Satanic Rites Of Dracula” actually is a cheesy seventies spy thriller of sorts. When a secret agent barely escapes from a secretive country house where he witnesses a satanic ritual in progress, he uses … Continue reading The Satanic Rites Of Dracula (1973) Dractober Review

Smallfoot (2018) Review

For my money, the definitive filmed adaptation of the legendary Yeti is The Goodies’ episode “Big Foot” but this tale of a tribe of Yetis living in secret on a Himalyan mountaintop might just come a close second (Wampas don’t count). Migo (Channing Tatum) is happy living in his village where all Yetis live under … Continue reading Smallfoot (2018) Review

Johnny English Strikes Again (2018) Review

Like the banshee of the Bond franchise, appearing whenever that storied franchise finds itself mired in a creative or legal quagmire, Johnny English is back, summoned no doubt but the ongoing dithering over Bond 25. After a cyber-attack exposes the identities of all of the active undercover British agents, MI7 is forced to turn to … Continue reading Johnny English Strikes Again (2018) Review

The House With The Clock In Its Walls (2018) #MonthOfSpooks Review

An unexpectedly family-friendly detour from gore-meister Eli Roth, the spookiest thing about “The House With A Clock In Its Walls” is that there’s a Jack Black-starring “Goosebumps” sequel coming out this year and this isn’t it. Instead, it’s an adaptation of the novel by John Bellairs telling the story of  Lewis Barnavelt (Owen Vaccaro) who, … Continue reading The House With The Clock In Its Walls (2018) #MonthOfSpooks Review

Alpha (2018) Review

What if “Ice Age” but the human kid’s a lot older and it’s not played for laughs? What if “The Revenant” but, you know, good? Delayed for over a year, “Alpha” is finally in cinemas and it’s a real treat, if not exactly what the multiplex crowd may be expecting. Left for dead after an … Continue reading Alpha (2018) Review

The Darkest Minds (2018) Review

It’s always prudent, if you’re going to copy ideas from other films, characters and books, not to have your characters discuss those very stories right while you’re pilfering them. It doesn’t take a ‘green’ to figure that out. When a mysterious virus afflicts the children of the world, killing nearly 98%, the survivors are viewed … Continue reading The Darkest Minds (2018) Review

2-Headed Shark Attack (2012) #SharkWeak2 Review

Spending a semester at sea conducting research sounds like a dream come true, right? Not when your expedition finds itself under attack from a mutated two-headed shark! Thankfully the boat is stranded near an abandoned atoll but when the atoll itself starts sinking, no one is safe from the monster! Given the title monster has … Continue reading 2-Headed Shark Attack (2012) #SharkWeak2 Review

Mega Shark vs Crocosaurus (2010) #SharkWeak2 Review

Way down deep in the middle of the Congo, an illegal diamond mining operation unearths a giant 150-foot crocodile because of course it does. At the same time, in the middle of the Atlantic, the US Navy warship USS Gibson (haha geddit? Because Debbie Gibson was in the first one but isn’t in this one. … Continue reading Mega Shark vs Crocosaurus (2010) #SharkWeak2 Review

Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus (2009) #SharkWeak2 Review

Finally, on screen together for the first time, two iconic titans duke it out for ocean supremacy and there’s not a Martha in sight to bring the throw down to a halt. When the deployment of a low-frequency sonar array causes a pod of whales to go berserk and start head-butting a glacier and somehow … Continue reading Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus (2009) #SharkWeak2 Review

Shark In Venice (2008) #SharkWeak2 Review

A movie so non-union equivalent it could have been directed by Senor Spielbergo himself, “Shark In Venice” dives deep into classic Spielbergian action adventure (in ambition if not quite execution) and boasts a cast led by undeniable Hollywood A-list-adjacent talent. When his father disappears while diving in the city of Venice, David ([Stephen] Baldwin) travels … Continue reading Shark In Venice (2008) #SharkWeak2 Review

Red Water (2003) #SharkWeak2 Review

A tiny bit of a step down from the glossy multiplex-friendly “Deep Blue Sea”, this 2003 TV movie may dial down the star wattage somewhat but it doesn’t turn the lights out completely: Lou Diamond Phillips! Kristy Swanson! Coolio! I mean, come on – what more could you want? Down-on-his-luck boat owner John Sanders is … Continue reading Red Water (2003) #SharkWeak2 Review

Deep Blue Sea (1999) #SharkWeak2 Review

Fittingly, we open #SharkWeak2 not with a terrible shark movie, but with a surprisingly seminal one with many of the modern sharksploitation tropes finding their roots in this turn of the millennium action adventure. When rogue scientist Dr Susan McAlester (Saffron Burrows) makes a last-ditch appeal to her corporate sponsor Russell Franklin (Samuel L Jackson) … Continue reading Deep Blue Sea (1999) #SharkWeak2 Review

Teen Titans Go! To The Movies (2018) Review

As a fan of the original Teen Titans animated series, I was deeply sceptical of “Teen Titans Go!” when it first aired. Silly, childish and cutesy, it seemed like Cartoon Network trashing something that had been great. Slowly, though, and thanks to the Cragglings embracing it, I began to enjoy it, especially as it revealed … Continue reading Teen Titans Go! To The Movies (2018) Review

Ant-Man And The Wasp (2018) Review

Released as their 20th movie, in their 10th Anniversary year, it shouldn’t come as a surprise to anyone that “Ant-Man And The Wasp” is reassuringly reliable entertainment, exactly what we’ve come to expect from the Marvel Cinematic Universe. What may be unexpected is how well this tale works as a palate cleanser after the universe-altering … Continue reading Ant-Man And The Wasp (2018) Review

Last Action Hero (1993) 25th Anniversary Review

Perennially underrated, often unfairly maligned (even by Schwarzenegger himself) as his first real failure, ironic action movie masterpiece “Last Action Hero” is twenty-five years old this year and way overdue for a reappraisal. Danny Madigan (Austin O'Brien) prefers the movies to the trials and tribulations of real life, especially the adventures of his all-time favourite … Continue reading Last Action Hero (1993) 25th Anniversary Review

Mission: Impossible – Fallout (2018) Review

The unstoppable Tom Cruise, Movie StarTM is back in 2018’s best action movie bar none. “Fallout” completes a “Fast & Furious”-style transformation of the franchise and leaves its famously diminutive leading man head and shoulders above the rest of the action competition. When a mission to recover three stolen uranium cores is interrupted by the … Continue reading Mission: Impossible – Fallout (2018) Review

Adrift (2018) Review

The lure of a life of freedom on the open ocean is an easy one to understand, at least when the sea is a beautiful blue expanse, stretching out to an endless horizon. But the romantic picture postcard ideal doesn’t last long for Tami Oldham (Shailene Woodley) and Richard Sharp (Sam Claflin) when their trans-Pacific … Continue reading Adrift (2018) Review

Incredibles 2 (2018) Review

Picking up mere moments after the first film ended, “Incredibles 2” wastes no time in re-treading the same ground as its illustrious predecessor. Brad Bird had been reluctant to make a sequel to his superhero magnum opus until he figured out the right story. It turns out, the right story was pretty much the one … Continue reading Incredibles 2 (2018) Review

Skyscraper (2018) Review

Possibly one to avoid if you’re pyrophobic and, indeed, acrophobic, “Skyscraper” sees Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson’s security consultant tackle a towering inferno with a plucky, die-hard attitude. Injured when a hostage crisis ends in tragedy, FBI agent Will Sawyer (Dwayne Johnson) loses a leg and his appetite for frontline duty. Years later, he’s an independent … Continue reading Skyscraper (2018) Review

The Incredibles (2004) Review

There are very few films as perfect as “The Incredibles”. Not only does it work flawlessly as one of the finest ever examples of a superhero movie, it also serves as an insightful deconstruction and analysis of the genre itself and still finds time to satirise the rise of entitled fan culture with a prescience … Continue reading The Incredibles (2004) Review

Cliffhanger (1993) 25th Anniversary Review

Celebrating its UK release’s 25th Anniversary, “Cliffhanger” saw Sylvester Stallone return to the genre which had nurtured him after the critical and artistic losing streak which started with “Rocky V” and hit rock bottom with “Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot”. Teaming up with action director for hire Renny Harlin, Stallone delivered a stripped-back high … Continue reading Cliffhanger (1993) 25th Anniversary Review

It Came From The Desert (2018) Review

Released on DVD tomorrow and based on the video game of the same name, this cheerful and peppy indie adaptation makes the most of its limited resources and makes a credible pitch for best video game movie adaptation since “Jumanji: Welcome To The Jungle”. When a group of teenage motocross contenders head to the New … Continue reading It Came From The Desert (2018) Review

The Best Of Buffy The Vampire Slayer

Fifteen years ago, “Buffy The Vampire Slayer” aired its final episode “Chosen” on Sky One here in the UK (some three weeks or so after its US airdate), so it’s the perfect time for Sweetie G – the person who introduced me to Buffy – and me to sit down and agree our Top Ten … Continue reading The Best Of Buffy The Vampire Slayer

Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom (2018) Review

*SPOILERS, I GUESS (IF YOU HAVEN’T SEEN THE TRAILERS)*I’ve long nurtured a theory about the Jurassic movie series, which is the secret ingredient to a really good “Jurassic Park” film isn’t the dinosaurs, it’s the park. “Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom” confirms the theory by breaking the deadlock 3 to 2. The dinosaurs are the ‘wow!’ … Continue reading Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom (2018) Review

Lost In Space Season One Review

In case you aren’t familiar with the 1960’s original, “Lost In Space” chronicles the adventures of the Robinson family, their faithful robot and the villainous Dr Smith as they venture through space. With the huge budget attached to the project there was a high level of expectation and trepidation regarding the reimaging of a cult … Continue reading Lost In Space Season One Review

Show Dogs (2018) Review

The littlest Craggling has something of a fascination for talking dogs, as the many hours I’ve had to sit through interminable ‘Disney Buddies’ movies can attest to, so its little surprise that when the trailer for “Show Dogs” started appearing, my fate was sealed. In order to bust a notorious animal smuggling ring, FBI agent … Continue reading Show Dogs (2018) Review

Solo: A Star Wars Story (2018) Review

Not that long ago, in a studio not too far away... Turmoil has engulfed the once peaceful and proud Lucasfilm franchise. It is a period of [not so] civil war as a small band of separatist fans, feeling betrayed by “The Last Jedi”, lay siege to the latest “Star Wars” offering. Meanwhile, there is unrest … Continue reading Solo: A Star Wars Story (2018) Review

Sky High (2005) Kurt Russell Blogathon Review

This post is published as part of Realweegiemidget Reviews and Return To The 80s' Kurt Russell Blogathon. “Sky High” was released in 2005, when the superhero movie boom was beginning to look like a flash in the pan. The output hard turned mediocre (“The Fantastic Four”, “Constantine”*) to poor (“Elektra”, “Son Of The Mask”). “Batman … Continue reading Sky High (2005) Kurt Russell Blogathon Review

Deadpool 2 (2018) Review

Although I’m a little disappointed that they didn’t just stick with “Untitled Deadpool Sequel” as the official title, “Deadpool 2” brings the Merc with the mouth back, and he’s bolder than ever as he looks to avoid the pitfalls of the ‘difficult second album’. When Wade Wilson (Ryan Reynolds)’s cavalier attitude ends up costing him … Continue reading Deadpool 2 (2018) Review

Lemony Snicket’s A Series Of Unfortunate Events Season 1 Review

The three Baudelaire children (Malina, Louis and baby Sunny) become orphaned when their parents perish in a mysterious fire. Too young to take care of themselves, the bank that manages their fortune puts them into the care of distant relative Count Olaf; an eccentric failed actor who is penniless. What becomes apparent to the children … Continue reading Lemony Snicket’s A Series Of Unfortunate Events Season 1 Review

Mary And The Witch’s Flower (2018) Review

Recently, the littlest Craggling has been tentatively spreading her cinematic wings beyond the admittedly lush and verdant shores of Disney, Pixar, Illumination and exploring other options. We’ve watched Wes Anderson’s “The Fantastic Mr Fox” and, recently, “Kiki’s Delivery Service” so when we saw a trailer for “Mary And The Witch's Flower”, she was smitten. One … Continue reading Mary And The Witch’s Flower (2018) Review

Sherlock Gnomes (2018) Review

Following in the footsteps of the Man Of Steel and Captain America, Gnomeo and Juliet become the latest characters to have their sequel hijacked by a bunch of different characters as the franchise tries to position itself as a vehicle to reimagine classic British literature, a sort of anthology of garden toy stories. When garden … Continue reading Sherlock Gnomes (2018) Review

Avengers: Infinity War (2018) Review

There was an idea: to bring together a group of remarkable franchises, to see if they could become something bigger. So when we wanted more, they could bring us the battles we never could’ve believed we’d ever see on the big screen. The Mad Titan is finally making his move and first to feel the … Continue reading Avengers: Infinity War (2018) Review

Craggus’ Countdown To Infinity: Black Panther (2018)

As he prepares to ascend to the throne of Wakanda, T’Challa (Chadwick Boseman) wrestles with his nation’s history of isolation and what that means in the modern world. But T’Challa’s troubles are compounded by the sins of his father whose actions decades previously have set in motion events which will culminate in a battle for … Continue reading Craggus’ Countdown To Infinity: Black Panther (2018)

Craggus’ Countdown To Infinity: Thor: Ragnarok (2017)

Driven by recurring dreams of the destruction of Asgard, Thor (Chris Hemsworth) allows himself to be captured by fire demon Surtur in order to pre-empt and prevent Ragnarok. Returning to Asgard, Thor forces Loki (Tom Hiddleston) to reveal himself and confess to where Odin (Anthony Hopkins) is being held. But Odin’s absence has and Loki’s … Continue reading Craggus’ Countdown To Infinity: Thor: Ragnarok (2017)

Craggus’ Countdown To Infinity: Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)

Following his adventure with the Avengers in Germany, Peter Parker (Tom Holland) finds himself back in Queens, New York, balancing his school days with nights spent patrolling the neighbourhood as Spider-Man. Mentored by Tony Stark (Robert Downey Jr), Peter’s reluctant to return to the small-scale crime fighting he’s confronted with in his own neck of … Continue reading Craggus’ Countdown To Infinity: Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)

Craggus’ Countdown To Infinity: Guardians Of The Galaxy Vol 2 (2017)

After a spot of mischievous larceny by Rocket angers their most recent client, Ayesha, High Priestess of The Sovereign People, the Guardians find themselves fleeing from the Sovereign fleet and crash-land on a nearby planet thanks to Star-Lord and Rocket's squabbling. But their argument is interrupted by the arrival of another ship, piloted by Ego … Continue reading Craggus’ Countdown To Infinity: Guardians Of The Galaxy Vol 2 (2017)

Craggus’ Countdown To Infinity: Doctor Strange (2016)

Arrogant and gifted neurosurgeon Stephen Strange (Benedict Cumberbatch) is sailing through life, aloof from the world around him until he suffers a catastrophic car accident which permanently damages the nerves in his hands. Seeking a cure of last resort, Strange travels to Tibet where he encounters The Ancient One (Tilda Swinton) who opens his mind … Continue reading Craggus’ Countdown To Infinity: Doctor Strange (2016)

Craggus’ Countdown To Infinity: Captain America: Civil War (2016)

In the wake of the destruction in Sokovia and a pitched battle against Crossbones in Nigeria, the governments of the world come together in an attempt to curtail and control the Avengers’ activities under a UN council. As the prospect of political control splits the Avengers down the middle, the sudden re-emergence of The Winter … Continue reading Craggus’ Countdown To Infinity: Captain America: Civil War (2016)

Craggus’ Countdown To Infinity: Ant-Man (2015)

Scientist Hank Pym (Michael Douglas) has spent his life keeping his creation out of the hands of SHIELD and any other world power but when his former protégé Darren Cross (Corey Stoll) manages to recreate some of his work, he is forced to recruit talented thief Scott Lang (Paul Rudd) to help him and his … Continue reading Craggus’ Countdown To Infinity: Ant-Man (2015)

Craggus’ Countdown To Infinity: Avengers: Age Of Ultron (2015)

The Avengers have been chasing down the remnants of Hydra and trying to locate and retrieve Loki’s staff. The mission is a success despite the intervention of two ‘enhanced’ individuals and the sceptre is returned to Avengers Tower where Bruce Banner and Tony Stark work to unlock its secrets in the hope of bringing their … Continue reading Craggus’ Countdown To Infinity: Avengers: Age Of Ultron (2015)

Craggus’ Countdown To Infinity: Guardians Of The Galaxy (2014)

Far out in space, Peter Quill (aka Star-Lord) – abducted from Earth when he was a young boy – steals a mysterious orb and immediately finds himself the centre of a galactic manhunt. Pursued by the evil and merciless Ronan The Accuser, he is captured by the Nova Corps and forced into an uneasy alliance … Continue reading Craggus’ Countdown To Infinity: Guardians Of The Galaxy (2014)

Craggus’ Countdown To Infinity: Captain America: The Winter Soldier (2013)

During an anti-terrorist SHIELD mission, Captain America becomes suspicious of the activities of his colleagues and learns that SHIELD is planning an ambitious Project Insight. When Nick Fury is assassinated by The Winter Soldier, Cap quickly finds himself on the run from the authorities and under threat from the very same assassin, a man with … Continue reading Craggus’ Countdown To Infinity: Captain America: The Winter Soldier (2013)

Craggus’ Countdown To Infinity: Thor: The Dark World (2013)

Having restored peace to the Nine Realms, Thor (Chris Hemsworth) returns to Asgard in triumph. Meanwhile on Earth, Jane Foster (Natalie Portman) stumbles across a dimensional rift where the Aether has long been hidden. Her disappearance is noted by Heimdall, prompting Thor to return to Earth but her discovery of the Aether has also awakened … Continue reading Craggus’ Countdown To Infinity: Thor: The Dark World (2013)

Craggus’ Countdown To Infinity: Iron Man 3 (2013)

With the USA under siege by a terrorist known as The Mandarin, things get personal for Tony Stark when ‘Happy’ Hogan is injured in one of his bombings. Challenging the terrorists to come and get him, Tony is caught out when they do just that. Cut off and alone with a malfunctioning, prototype suit, Stark … Continue reading Craggus’ Countdown To Infinity: Iron Man 3 (2013)

Rampage (2018) Review

Opening with a better version of the movie “Life” than “Life” itself managed to provide, “Rampage” sees perennial box-office bester Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson take on his most difficult opponent yet: a video game adaptation. When illegal space-based genetic experimentation crashes back down to Earth, it has an immediate and unfortunate effect on the wildlife. … Continue reading Rampage (2018) Review