Slaughterhouse Rulez (2018) Review

If Hammer House Of Horror had produced “Spaced”, the result could have been a lot like “Slaughterhouse Rulez”. A common room home brew of British Boarding School classics like “If….” and “Goodbye, Mr. Chips” (the 1969 version specifically) mixed with “Ghostbusters” and dash of “Harry Potter”, this intoxicatingly lowbrow comedy horror offers a novel spin … Continue reading Slaughterhouse Rulez (2018) Review

Double Date (2017) #MonthOfSpooks Review

British comedy horror is a bit of a dicey prospect at the best of times. For every “Shaun Of The Dead” there are a dozen “Lesbian Vampire Slayers”, so when “Double Date” popped up on the old Sky Q box, I was wary but willing. Jim (Danny Morgan) is about to turn thirty and his … Continue reading Double Date (2017) #MonthOfSpooks Review

Shadow Of The Vampire (2000) Dractober Review

A blackly comic metafictional account of the making of “Nosferatu”, positing the idea that F W Murnau was prepared to go to any lengths in order to capture his masterwork, even turning a blind eye to the real-life vampire he has found to ‘play’ Count Orlok. Supported by a great performance from John Malkovich as … Continue reading Shadow Of The Vampire (2000) Dractober Review

Dracula: Dead And Loving It (1995) Dractober Review

It may open with a Hammer-esque galloping horse and carriage but this Mel Brooks spoof has the whole Dracula oeuvre in its sights. From Lugosi to Coppola, Brooks and his co-writers leave no coffin unopened in the search for gags. A pity, then, that they found so few. When Renfield (a wildly overacting Peter MacNicol) … Continue reading Dracula: Dead And Loving It (1995) Dractober Review

Love At First Bite (1979) Dractober Review

There’s something inherently funny about the idea of an individual as famously permatanned as George Hamilton portraying the notoriously sun-shy Count Dracula but it’s not quite enough to lift this dated and lightweight comedy above the ordinary. Evicted from his ancestral Castle by the Communist government of Romania who plan to turn it into a … Continue reading Love At First Bite (1979) Dractober Review

Goosebumps 2: Haunted Halloween #MonthOfSpooks Review

There’s no rest for the Tenacious as Jack Black finds himself back amongst the spooky goings-on, although this time around, it’s Slappy calling the shots. When Sonny (Jeremy Ray Taylor) and Sam (Caleel Harris) find a magic book that brings a ventriloquist’s dummy to life, their Halloween horror is only just beginning. The dummy is … Continue reading Goosebumps 2: Haunted Halloween #MonthOfSpooks Review

Vampira (1974) Dractober Review

Absolutely not a film to be judged by today’s neo-puritan standards, “Vampira” (released as "Old Dracula" in the US to cash in on the recent success of "Young Frankenstein") is steeped in the saucy, cheeky and, yes, casually racist and sexist humour of the early seventies but taken on its own terms, it has a … Continue reading Vampira (1974) Dractober Review

Smallfoot (2018) Review

For my money, the definitive filmed adaptation of the legendary Yeti is The Goodies’ episode “Big Foot” but this tale of a tribe of Yetis living in secret on a Himalyan mountaintop might just come a close second (Wampas don’t count). Migo (Channing Tatum) is happy living in his village where all Yetis live under … Continue reading Smallfoot (2018) Review

The Witches Of Eastwick (1987) #MonthOfSpooks Review

Loosely based on the John Updike novel of the same name, George Miller’s sly satire of the gender wars brings a dusting of dark magic to the hollow lives of a sleepy New England town of Eastwick. Alexandra (Cher), Jane (Susan Sarandon) and Sukie (Michelle Pfeiffer) are close friends who support each other through the … Continue reading The Witches Of Eastwick (1987) #MonthOfSpooks Review

Addams Family Values (1993) #MonthOfSpooks Review

Picking up from the end stinger of “The Addams Family”, “Addams Family Values” sets out to expand the Addams clan with the addition of a new baby and all that a new arrival entails, with a suitably impious twist, of course. After several of Wednesday and Pugsley's failed attempts to murder the new baby, Gomez … Continue reading Addams Family Values (1993) #MonthOfSpooks Review

Johnny English Strikes Again (2018) Review

Like the banshee of the Bond franchise, appearing whenever that storied franchise finds itself mired in a creative or legal quagmire, Johnny English is back, summoned no doubt but the ongoing dithering over Bond 25. After a cyber-attack exposes the identities of all of the active undercover British agents, MI7 is forced to turn to … Continue reading Johnny English Strikes Again (2018) Review

The Addams Family (1991) #MonthOfSpooks Review

Beset by production difficulties, it’s a wonder that “The Addams Family” movie exists at all. The fact that it’s great is a minor miracle. Marking Barry Sonnenfeld’s directorial debut after Tim Burton passed on the chance to helm this big screen reboot. Famously creepy and kooky, mysterious and spooky, the movie takes the twisted gothic, … Continue reading The Addams Family (1991) #MonthOfSpooks Review

Crazy Rich Asians (2018) Review

“Crazy Rich Asians” may open with some awful British racism, but it’s an effective shorthand way of introducing fearsome matriarch Eleanor Young (Michelle Yeo) and putting us firmly in the Young family’s corner. And it’s a necessary step too because we’re about to embark on a visually lavish exploration of the trials and tribulations of … Continue reading Crazy Rich Asians (2018) Review

BlacKkKlansman (2018) Review

There’s a deep-rooted discomfort at the heart of “BlacKkKlansman” and it’s the fact that instead of being a historical, true story poking cautionary fun at the ignorance of the past, it instead feels like a howl of furious irony at the recidivism of modern-day America. In 1979, Ron Stallworth (John David Washington), Colorado Springs’ first … Continue reading BlacKkKlansman (2018) Review

Any Major Dude (2017) Review

Colin Combes (Scott Brindle), 42-year-old gardening journalist, is staring down the barrel of a locked and loaded mid-life crisis. He’s starting to suspect his wife, Freya (Angelique Fronike) still has feelings for her ex, the aging pop star Gordon ‘Midge’ Midgely (Rob Marsden) and as if that wasn’t enough, he’s due for a colonoscopy to … Continue reading Any Major Dude (2017) Review

Nailed It! Season Two Review

Back in 1989, Kylie Minogue released a single from “Enjoy Yourself”, her second studio album, called "Wouldn't Change A Thing". It perfectly encapsulates how I felt when I learned "Nailed It" was coming back for a second season: If I had to do it all again I wouldn't change a single thing There's no questioning … Continue reading Nailed It! Season Two Review

The Last Sharknado: It’s About Time (2018) #SharkWeak2 Review

So it’s come to this: The Last Sharknado. Can I get that in writing? Me and the Sharknado films have had quite the trajectory. At first I was like: ‘this is a joke’. Then I was like, ‘No, seriously, is this a joke?’ And then I was like ‘okay, that was actually pretty funny’ followed … Continue reading The Last Sharknado: It’s About Time (2018) #SharkWeak2 Review

House Shark (2017) #SharkWeak2 Review

Once in a while, you come across a film which completely upends any assumptions or expectations you have. As I crawl wearily to the end of this far too long stretch of bad shark movies for #SharkWeak2, “House Shark” has done just that. It may be a cheap, nonsensical under-funded Indiegogo project but it’s also … Continue reading House Shark (2017) #SharkWeak2 Review

Jersey Shore Shark Attack (2012) #SharkWeak2 Review

While the idea of sharks as merciless killers of the sea is older than Shakespeare’s ‘ravin'd salt-sea shark’, the idea that sharks posed a risk to the land-dwelling general population is just over a century old. In 1916, between July 1st and July 12th 1916, five shark attacks occurred along the New Jersey shore which … Continue reading Jersey Shore Shark Attack (2012) #SharkWeak2 Review

Teen Titans Go! To The Movies (2018) Review

As a fan of the original Teen Titans animated series, I was deeply sceptical of “Teen Titans Go!” when it first aired. Silly, childish and cutesy, it seemed like Cartoon Network trashing something that had been great. Slowly, though, and thanks to the Cragglings embracing it, I began to enjoy it, especially as it revealed … Continue reading Teen Titans Go! To The Movies (2018) Review

Ant-Man And The Wasp (2018) Review

Released as their 20th movie, in their 10th Anniversary year, it shouldn’t come as a surprise to anyone that “Ant-Man And The Wasp” is reassuringly reliable entertainment, exactly what we’ve come to expect from the Marvel Cinematic Universe. What may be unexpected is how well this tale works as a palate cleanser after the universe-altering … Continue reading Ant-Man And The Wasp (2018) Review

Last Action Hero (1993) 25th Anniversary Review

Perennially underrated, often unfairly maligned (even by Schwarzenegger himself) as his first real failure, ironic action movie masterpiece “Last Action Hero” is twenty-five years old this year and way overdue for a reappraisal. Danny Madigan (Austin O'Brien) prefers the movies to the trials and tribulations of real life, especially the adventures of his all-time favourite … Continue reading Last Action Hero (1993) 25th Anniversary Review

Mamma Mia! Here We Go Again (2018) Review

*SPOILER WARNING* Donna is dead to begin with. As dead as a doornail. It’s just one of the many, many ways this sequel unpicks all the happy endings of the first movie to cynically give itself a reason to exist. Preparing for the grand opening of the Hotel Bella Donna, Sophie (Amanda Seyfried) is working … Continue reading Mamma Mia! Here We Go Again (2018) Review

Tag (2018) Review

Amiable and undemanding, “Tag” manages the seemingly impossible by managing to sustain a whole movie from its amusing but slight premise thanks to winning performances from a game cast and a few spectacular set-pieces. Based on a true story, “Tag” tells the tale of a group of five childhood friends who have been playing the … Continue reading Tag (2018) Review

Patrick (2018) Review

“Patrick”, a featherweight new British comedy from the director of “Absolutely Fabulous: The Movie” is so smug that it might as well be subtitled ‘First World Problems: The Movie’.  It’s a mercy, then, that it’s so utterly oblivious to its own sense of self-satisfied privilege and so very, very bland that it’s hard to summon … Continue reading Patrick (2018) Review

Happy! Season One Review

Former Detective Nick Sax is an alcoholic loner who relies on narcotics to fill his life with meaning and interest, in turn relying on his skills as a gun for hire to provide for his habits. However, after having a near death experience he is visited by Happy, a small blue flying unicorn which only … Continue reading Happy! Season One Review

It Came From The Desert (2018) Review

Released on DVD tomorrow and based on the video game of the same name, this cheerful and peppy indie adaptation makes the most of its limited resources and makes a credible pitch for best video game movie adaptation since “Jumanji: Welcome To The Jungle”. When a group of teenage motocross contenders head to the New … Continue reading It Came From The Desert (2018) Review

Ocean’s 8 (2018) Review

Sisters are doing it for themselves, specifically Danny Ocean’s sister Debbie (Sandra Bullock), in this affably slick but lightweight heist thriller, the fourth in the modern ‘Ocean’ series and the first not to be directed by Steven Soderbergh. Released from prison after being stitched up by her ex-boyfriend, Debbie Ocean has not wasted the past … Continue reading Ocean’s 8 (2018) Review

Show Dogs (2018) Review

The littlest Craggling has something of a fascination for talking dogs, as the many hours I’ve had to sit through interminable ‘Disney Buddies’ movies can attest to, so its little surprise that when the trailer for “Show Dogs” started appearing, my fate was sealed. In order to bust a notorious animal smuggling ring, FBI agent … Continue reading Show Dogs (2018) Review

Sky High (2005) Kurt Russell Blogathon Review

This post is published as part of Realweegiemidget Reviews and Return To The 80s' Kurt Russell Blogathon. “Sky High” was released in 2005, when the superhero movie boom was beginning to look like a flash in the pan. The output hard turned mediocre (“The Fantastic Four”, “Constantine”*) to poor (“Elektra”, “Son Of The Mask”). “Batman … Continue reading Sky High (2005) Kurt Russell Blogathon Review

Lemony Snicket’s A Series Of Unfortunate Events Season 1 Review

The three Baudelaire children (Malina, Louis and baby Sunny) become orphaned when their parents perish in a mysterious fire. Too young to take care of themselves, the bank that manages their fortune puts them into the care of distant relative Count Olaf; an eccentric failed actor who is penniless. What becomes apparent to the children … Continue reading Lemony Snicket’s A Series Of Unfortunate Events Season 1 Review

My Dad Wrote A Porno LIVE! Review

Back in 2015, Jamie Morton, along with his friends James Cooper and Radio 1 presenter Alice Levine, launched a podcast based on Jamie’s mortifying discovery that his dad, inspired no doubt by the tumescent success of “50 Shades Of Grey”, had decided to write his own erotic masterpiece, “Belinda Blinked”. Each episode features a single … Continue reading My Dad Wrote A Porno LIVE! Review

Sherlock Gnomes (2018) Review

Following in the footsteps of the Man Of Steel and Captain America, Gnomeo and Juliet become the latest characters to have their sequel hijacked by a bunch of different characters as the franchise tries to position itself as a vehicle to reimagine classic British literature, a sort of anthology of garden toy stories. When garden … Continue reading Sherlock Gnomes (2018) Review

Loudermilk Season One Review

Sam Loudermilk is a recovering alcoholic and acerbically witted counsellor who provides emotional support to his congregation of miscreants and layabouts whenever they encounter trials and tribulations. When he becomes the guardian of Claire, a recovering substance abuser, he realises that there is more to life than just his job and rediscovers love in the … Continue reading Loudermilk Season One Review

Blockers (2018) Review

Staggering its way into cinemas, “Blockers” strikes a clumsy blow for equality by showing that dumb, crass, tasteless teenage sex comedies aren’t just for boys anymore. Yay, equality? Three friends make a pact to lose their virginity on prom night but when one of their parents accidentally intercepts a text conversation, their parents band together … Continue reading Blockers (2018) Review

Grease (1978) 40th Anniversary Review

Rereleased to celebrate its 40th anniversary, “Grease” takes us to a nostalgia-fuelled retro-dystopia where middle-aged adults are forced to attend high school and endure the trials and tribulations of adolescent life, no doubt the forfeit of some Faustian pact or “Lost”-style purgatorial atonement. After being drowned by a freak wave during a weekend getaway to … Continue reading Grease (1978) 40th Anniversary Review

Craggus’ Countdown To Infinity: Ant-Man (2015)

Scientist Hank Pym (Michael Douglas) has spent his life keeping his creation out of the hands of SHIELD and any other world power but when his former protégé Darren Cross (Corey Stoll) manages to recreate some of his work, he is forced to recruit talented thief Scott Lang (Paul Rudd) to help him and his … Continue reading Craggus’ Countdown To Infinity: Ant-Man (2015)

The Santa Clarita Diet Season 2 Review

Previously on “The Santa Clarita Diet”: Joel (Timothy Oliphant) and Sheila (Drew Barrymore) Hammond are real estate agents in a sleepy Santa Clarita suburb when Sheila suddenly transforms from mousey middle-class soccer mom of Millennial teen Abby (Liv Hewson) to an undead zombie that must regularly feast on the living to remain ‘alive’. The Hammonds … Continue reading The Santa Clarita Diet Season 2 Review

Love, Simon (2018) Review

A John Hughes movie for the 21st Century, Greg Berlanti’s adaptation of the novel “Simon vs. The Homosapiens Agenda” emerges as a romantic comedy-drama so utterly charming, it’s nigh-on impossible not to “Love, Simon”. High School senior Simon Spiers seems to have it all, but he’s hiding a big secret: he’s gay. When another student … Continue reading Love, Simon (2018) Review

Duck Duck Goose (2018) Review

A good voice cast and beautifully animated backdrops of the stunning geography of China are enough to lift this undemanding animated animal fable above the flock. When reckless goose Peng (Jim Gaffigan) passes up the chance to migrate with the rest of the flock, he’s left to fend for himself when an injured wing means … Continue reading Duck Duck Goose (2018) Review

Isle Of Dogs (2018) Review

A literal shaggy dog story told in a quintessentially Wes Anderson way, “Isle Of Dogs” is just as whimsical but maybe a little darker than you might be expecting. Younger children might find some of it frightening and upsetting but older kids are likely to lap up its stunning visuals and exquisite animation. In a … Continue reading Isle Of Dogs (2018) Review

Peter Rabbit (2018) Review

Sony have been responsible for many of the most egregious reboots and reimaginings of recent years and while “Jumanji: Welcome To The Jungle” spectacularly bucked the studio’s trend, this loose and cynical adaptation of Beatrix Potter sees them back to their tawdry, inept usual. It’s hard to think of any other film that’s so woefully … Continue reading Peter Rabbit (2018) Review

I, Tonya (2018) Review

Trashy, foul-mouthed, blessed with talent and a wild, impetuous, unpredictable streak, “I, Tonya” is a mirror image of its troubled subject, notorious American figure skater Tonya Harding. Craig Gillespie’s capricious, powder keg biopic takes us on a whirlwind tour through Harding’s life from her burgeoning talent as a youngster to her rise and fall as … Continue reading I, Tonya (2018) Review

Monster Family (2018) Review

This Anglo-German animation, based on a 4D movie ride at UK tourist attraction Wookey Hole, should definitely give Disney, Pixar and Illumination pause for thought. Specifically, the thought that they can phone it in for their next movie because there’s zero threat to their crown on the horizon. When a lonely Dracula (Jason Isaacs) identifies … Continue reading Monster Family (2018) Review

Without A Clue (1988) Review

Realweegiemidget Reviews are celebrating Michael Caine’s 85th birthday with a Marvellous Michael Caine Blogathon and I’ve used it as an excuse to revisit one of my favourite comfort movies: “Without A Clue” Dr John Watson (Ben Kingsley) uses his keen analytical mind and powers of observation to solve crimes but, seeking not to jeopardize his … Continue reading Without A Clue (1988) Review

Game Night (2018) Review

Brought to you with eye-rolling unsubtlety by Tostitos® and Stella Artois™, “Game Night” invites you for a night of chips, dips and competitive quips. Max (Jason Bateman) and Annie (Rachel McAdams) are a married couple who fell in love at first tie break. Both deeply competitive, there’s nothing they love more than hosting their friends … Continue reading Game Night (2018) Review

Tad The Lost Explorer And The Secret Of King Midas (2018) Review

It may provoke a momentary pause of incredulity to accommodate the fact Paramount have passed on the international distribution of Alex Garland’s “Annihilation” yet they’re happy to push this movie out around the globe, but raiding all the lost snark aside, there’s at least some justification for their involvement given the sheer number of Indiana … Continue reading Tad The Lost Explorer And The Secret Of King Midas (2018) Review

Status Update (2018) Review

There’s not exactly a long and distinguished history of films based on mobile apps, but that didn’t dissuade the makers of “Status Update” from stepping into the cultural crater left by “The Emoji Movie” and having another try. When his parents separate and he has to move three thousand miles away from his Californian roots … Continue reading Status Update (2018) Review

Brakes (2017) Review

Endings are funny things, only coming into real focus in hindsight. Do you ever really know you’re living through the ending of something while it’s happening, or is it only in retrospect that endings reveal themselves? And if you knew how things would end, would you choose to begin them in the first place? Subverting … Continue reading Brakes (2017) Review

The World According To Garp (1982) Review

This review is being posted as part of the Robin Williams Blogathon 2018 being hosted by Realweegiemidget Reviews and In Good Old Days of Classic Hollywood. One of the most remarkable things about “The World According To Garp” is just how well director George Roy Hill ("Butch Cassidy And The Sundance Kid", "The Sting") and … Continue reading The World According To Garp (1982) Review