The Nun (2018) Review

I seem to be getting into the habit of watching horror movies at the cinema, so when the fifth instalment of arguably the 21st century’s second most successful cinematic universe gave me an opportunity to start the story in chronological order (I haven’t yet seen any of the Conjuring movies or spin-offs, it was time … Continue reading The Nun (2018) Review

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BlacKkKlansman (2018) Review

There’s a deep-rooted discomfort at the heart of “BlacKkKlansman” and it’s the fact that instead of being a historical, true story poking cautionary fun at the ignorance of the past, it instead feels like a howl of furious irony at the recidivism of modern-day America. In 1979, Ron Stallworth (John David Washington), Colorado Springs’ first … Continue reading BlacKkKlansman (2018) Review

Slender Man (2018) Review

It’s not easy to ignore how crass and tasteless this film feels given the real-life incident which the infamous internet phenomenon gave rise to. It’s even harder when, with the release of this film, the creepypasta meme is now responsible for yet another real-life atrocity. In a small Massachusetts town, four friends decide to summon … Continue reading Slender Man (2018) Review

The Last Sharknado: It’s About Time (2018) #SharkWeak2 Review

So it’s come to this: The Last Sharknado. Can I get that in writing? Me and the Sharknado films have had quite the trajectory. At first I was like: ‘this is a joke’. Then I was like, ‘No, seriously, is this a joke?’ And then I was like ‘okay, that was actually pretty funny’ followed … Continue reading The Last Sharknado: It’s About Time (2018) #SharkWeak2 Review

House Shark (2017) #SharkWeak2 Review

Once in a while, you come across a film which completely upends any assumptions or expectations you have. As I crawl wearily to the end of this far too long stretch of bad shark movies for #SharkWeak2, “House Shark” has done just that. It may be a cheap, nonsensical under-funded Indiegogo project but it’s also … Continue reading House Shark (2017) #SharkWeak2 Review

Empire Of The Sharks (2017) #SharkWeak2 Review

“Empire Of The Sharks” scores an early win with a mention of ‘trained ninja sharks’, a formidable weapon on a post-apocalyptic, flooded ecosystem. A biosphere covered entirely in water. An oceanic globe. An aquatic planet. Hmm. If only there was an easy way of saying it... On a future earth where 98% of the surface … Continue reading Empire Of The Sharks (2017) #SharkWeak2 Review

5-Headed Shark Attack (2017) #SharkWeak2 Review

The latest entry in the polycephalic Carcharodon carry-on opens with a decidedly mono-mouthed shark swimming through the ocean. *rings trade descriptions* Oh wait, it's a fake-out. It’s actually just a regular great white; a snack for the real monster... *starts to put phone down* ...which has four heads??? *snatches up phone again* Once again, the … Continue reading 5-Headed Shark Attack (2017) #SharkWeak2 Review

Shark Exorcist (2016) #SharkWeak2 Review

This weird, excruciatingly badly made movie opens on a nun walking through a graveyard while a newscast voiceover reports a local nun accused of murdering and torturing thirteen local boys and girls. It’s one of a number of things the movie talks about but never shows us. But given the quality of what it does … Continue reading Shark Exorcist (2016) #SharkWeak2 Review

Ice Sharks (2016) #SharkWeak2 Review

When an arctic research station finds itself under attack from aggressive sharks and the break up of the ice shelf its built on, the crew must struggle against the odds to survive long enough to be rescued. There’s a lot that’s confused about this Asylum production and yet its one of few bad shark movies … Continue reading Ice Sharks (2016) #SharkWeak2 Review

Atomic Shark (2016) #SharkWeak2 Review

There’s no denying the ambition of this frankly barmy entry in the sharksploitation oeuvre, opening as it does with an ominous montage of underwater scenes intercut with Cold War newsreel footage and Robert Oppenheimer quotes. It’s the closest we get to a real explanation of how the shark became nuclear, so just go with it. … Continue reading Atomic Shark (2016) #SharkWeak2 Review

Mega Shark vs Kolossus (2015) #SharkWeak2 Review

Sometime in the future, the world has yet to recover from the last mega shark attack. A voiceover tells us that the near total halt of global shipping plus a general avoidance of the coast and water by the population of the world has had a devastating economic impact. We’re told this over footage of … Continue reading Mega Shark vs Kolossus (2015) #SharkWeak2 Review

3-Headed Shark Attack (2015) #SharkWeak2 Review

A 3-headed shark suddenly attacks a group of partying teenagers, killing all of them except one who was on a buoy while the rest of the teens were at the beach. The shark then proceeds to attack the Persephone, an underwater research facility studying the Pacific Garbage Patch. Some of the research personnel manage to … Continue reading 3-Headed Shark Attack (2015) #SharkWeak2 Review

Mega Shark vs Mecha Shark (2014) #SharkWeak2 Review

Previously, on “Mega Shark vs...”, our fishy anti-hero and his reptilian rival were poached to death by an underwater volcano, and it would appear that was indeed that. But fear not, a drought in the Mediterranean has prompted an entrepreneur to tow an iceberg to the afflicted area but – wouldn’t you know it – … Continue reading Mega Shark vs Mecha Shark (2014) #SharkWeak2 Review

Shark Week (2012) #SharkWeak2 Review

“Shark Week”, very much not to be confused with the annual Discovery Channel documentary-thon, begins mis-en-scene, with Tiburon (an almost unrecognisable Patrick Bergen) taunting his poolside victim like a cut-price Bond villain/ Jigsaw hybrid. Ultimately our unfortunate introductory victim takes the plunge and bites the big one...well, gets bitten by the big one. So begins … Continue reading Shark Week (2012) #SharkWeak2 Review

Jersey Shore Shark Attack (2012) #SharkWeak2 Review

While the idea of sharks as merciless killers of the sea is older than Shakespeare’s ‘ravin'd salt-sea shark’, the idea that sharks posed a risk to the land-dwelling general population is just over a century old. In 1916, between July 1st and July 12th 1916, five shark attacks occurred along the New Jersey shore which … Continue reading Jersey Shore Shark Attack (2012) #SharkWeak2 Review

2-Headed Shark Attack (2012) #SharkWeak2 Review

Spending a semester at sea conducting research sounds like a dream come true, right? Not when your expedition finds itself under attack from a mutated two-headed shark! Thankfully the boat is stranded near an abandoned atoll but when the atoll itself starts sinking, no one is safe from the monster! Given the title monster has … Continue reading 2-Headed Shark Attack (2012) #SharkWeak2 Review

Mega Shark vs Crocosaurus (2010) #SharkWeak2 Review

Way down deep in the middle of the Congo, an illegal diamond mining operation unearths a giant 150-foot crocodile because of course it does. At the same time, in the middle of the Atlantic, the US Navy warship USS Gibson (haha geddit? Because Debbie Gibson was in the first one but isn’t in this one. … Continue reading Mega Shark vs Crocosaurus (2010) #SharkWeak2 Review

Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus (2009) #SharkWeak2 Review

Finally, on screen together for the first time, two iconic titans duke it out for ocean supremacy and there’s not a Martha in sight to bring the throw down to a halt. When the deployment of a low-frequency sonar array causes a pod of whales to go berserk and start head-butting a glacier and somehow … Continue reading Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus (2009) #SharkWeak2 Review

Swamp Shark (2011) #SharkWeak2 Review

“Swamp Shark” sees us returning to the safe waters of the insert-unusual-place-in-front-of-the-word-‘shark’ format and this time we return to the Louisiana bayou for a third time, once again in the company of Kristy Swanson, this time tackling our first proper cryptid critter of #SharkWeak2. When an animal smuggler accidentally releases a rare and exotic shark … Continue reading Swamp Shark (2011) #SharkWeak2 Review

Shark Night 3D (2011) #SharkWeak2 Review

Fun is also in short supply in “Shark Night 3D”, a cynical and insufferable shark movie which somehow managed to get itself a theatrical release despite it being really, really awful. Sara (Sara Paxton) and her friends set out to spend a fun-filled weekend at her lake house on the shores of Louisiana's Lake Pontchartrain. … Continue reading Shark Night 3D (2011) #SharkWeak2 Review

The Reef (2010) #SharkWeak2 Review

The thing I love about sharksploitation movies is they’re generally fun. Fun is a big part of the appeal, even when – or maybe especially when – they’re bad. “The Reef” is not a bad movie, but it's also definitely not a fun movie. When a group of friends find themselves stranded on a capsized … Continue reading The Reef (2010) #SharkWeak2 Review

Psycho Shark (2009) #SharkWeak2 Review

Subtitles? Oh cool – this is a Japanese monster shark movie. We’ve seen what they make of giant atomic dinosaur lizards, so I can’t wait to see what they make of a giant killer shark. Except we’ll just have to – wait, that is - because most of the brief 69 minute running time is … Continue reading Psycho Shark (2009) #SharkWeak2 Review

Malibu Shark Attack (2009) #SharkWeak2 Review

“Malibu Shark Attack” opens with that old favourite, an undersea landslide. This one apparently releases some long-extinct sharks who we’ll get to later. First of all, like the Spinosaurus in “Jurassic Park 3”, the main monster of this movie has to demonstrate its prowess early on by symbolically taking out the previously assumed ‘daddy’ of … Continue reading Malibu Shark Attack (2009) #SharkWeak2 Review

Shark Swarm (2008) #SharkWeak2 Review

Too short to be a miniseries but too long, really, to be a movie, this Hallmark production weighs in at a whale shark-esque two hours and forty minutes, which is a long time to endure a bad shark movie, so it’s a good thing this one is – believe it or not – actually halfway … Continue reading Shark Swarm (2008) #SharkWeak2 Review

Shark In Venice (2008) #SharkWeak2 Review

A movie so non-union equivalent it could have been directed by Senor Spielbergo himself, “Shark In Venice” dives deep into classic Spielbergian action adventure (in ambition if not quite execution) and boasts a cast led by undeniable Hollywood A-list-adjacent talent. When his father disappears while diving in the city of Venice, David ([Stephen] Baldwin) travels … Continue reading Shark In Venice (2008) #SharkWeak2 Review

Sharkman (2005) #SharkWeak2 Review

We’re back in the realms of mad science with 2005’s “Sharkman” (the internet’s most often confused movie. It’s sometimes called “Hammerhead” and not to be confused with the apparently unavailable (believe me I tried) 2001 film “Sharkman” from which I think the poster I’ve used is taken but plenty of other sites credit this to … Continue reading Sharkman (2005) #SharkWeak2 Review

Sharkzilla (2004) #SharkWeak2 Review

“Sharkzilla”, known everywhere apart from the UK as “Megalodon”, is a 2004 TV movie set on a deep sea oil rig which breaks through to a hidden undersea ocean. If that sounds familiar, it bears an uncanny resemblance to the first two-thirds of “The Meg”, although this film manages to tell the story without once … Continue reading Sharkzilla (2004) #SharkWeak2 Review

Red Water (2003) #SharkWeak2 Review

A tiny bit of a step down from the glossy multiplex-friendly “Deep Blue Sea”, this 2003 TV movie may dial down the star wattage somewhat but it doesn’t turn the lights out completely: Lou Diamond Phillips! Kristy Swanson! Coolio! I mean, come on – what more could you want? Down-on-his-luck boat owner John Sanders is … Continue reading Red Water (2003) #SharkWeak2 Review

Deep Blue Sea (1999) #SharkWeak2 Review

Fittingly, we open #SharkWeak2 not with a terrible shark movie, but with a surprisingly seminal one with many of the modern sharksploitation tropes finding their roots in this turn of the millennium action adventure. When rogue scientist Dr Susan McAlester (Saffron Burrows) makes a last-ditch appeal to her corporate sponsor Russell Franklin (Samuel L Jackson) … Continue reading Deep Blue Sea (1999) #SharkWeak2 Review

It Came From The Desert (2018) Review

Released on DVD tomorrow and based on the video game of the same name, this cheerful and peppy indie adaptation makes the most of its limited resources and makes a credible pitch for best video game movie adaptation since “Jumanji: Welcome To The Jungle”. When a group of teenage motocross contenders head to the New … Continue reading It Came From The Desert (2018) Review

Hereditary (2018) Review

After the expertly curated, nerve-shredding trailer, I went into “Hereditary” with a great deal of trepidation (I’m a little bit of a horror wuss) but of all the myriad emotional states I was nervously anticipating, I never expected to be bored. Following the death of her estranged mother, Annie (Toni Collette) is forced to confront … Continue reading Hereditary (2018) Review

The Best Of Buffy The Vampire Slayer

Fifteen years ago, “Buffy The Vampire Slayer” aired its final episode “Chosen” on Sky One here in the UK (some three weeks or so after its US airdate), so it’s the perfect time for Sweetie G – the person who introduced me to Buffy – and me to sit down and agree our Top Ten … Continue reading The Best Of Buffy The Vampire Slayer

Dark Forest (2015) Review

It’s not often that Sweetie G and I disagree strongly about a movie, except of course for “World War Z” but we don’t have time to get in that here. Suffice to say, when we were asked to take a look at independent Canadian horror who could have guessed it would bear comparison to that … Continue reading Dark Forest (2015) Review

Truth Or Dare (2018) Review

There’s an almost gleeful stupidity at the heart of “Truth Or Dare” that you almost don’t want to look away just to see what audaciously moronic twist its going to try next. Almost. Persuaded to go on one last Spring Break vacation, Olivia (Lucy Hale) meets a guy on the last night of the trip … Continue reading Truth Or Dare (2018) Review

The Santa Clarita Diet Season 2 Review

Previously on “The Santa Clarita Diet”: Joel (Timothy Oliphant) and Sheila (Drew Barrymore) Hammond are real estate agents in a sleepy Santa Clarita suburb when Sheila suddenly transforms from mousey middle-class soccer mom of Millennial teen Abby (Liv Hewson) to an undead zombie that must regularly feast on the living to remain ‘alive’. The Hammonds … Continue reading The Santa Clarita Diet Season 2 Review

Ghost Stories (2018) Review

So cupcakes, I’ve finally returned, summoned back to the land of the living by Odeon’s Scream Unseen, thinking a fiver’s got to be worth the gamble. If you haven’t heard of the scheme, basically you don’t know what you’re watching until it starts, although at least with Scream Unseen you know it’s going to be … Continue reading Ghost Stories (2018) Review

Dark Disney: The Watcher In The Woods (1981) Review

As part of In The Good Old Days Of Classic Hollywood’s Third Annual Bette Davis Blogathon, I’m taking a look at the 1981 family horror movie “The Watcher In The Woods” and kicking off my own mini-series looking at a strange period of movie history when Disney went dark. Towards the end of the 1970s, … Continue reading Dark Disney: The Watcher In The Woods (1981) Review

A Quiet Place (2018) Review

Silence has never been so loud as it is in John Krasinski’s nerve-shredding horror debut, “A Quiet Place”. In a post-apocalyptic world overrun by monstrous predators who hunt by sound, Lee and Evelyn Abbott (real life husband and wife John Krasinski and Emily Blunt) eke out a silent existence with their three children, every moment … Continue reading A Quiet Place (2018) Review

It Comes at Night Review

Great write up of the psychological horror/ thriller “It Comes At Night” by 5minutemovieguy.

5 Minute Movie Guy

It Comes at Night is a bleak and mysterious psychological thriller that tells the story of a small family fighting against a faceless virus that has seemingly decimated most of the population. Joel Edgerton plays the father of the family, Paul, who takes every possible precaution to protect his wife and son. None of them know what’s happened, nor what’s causing the sickness, but they all agree that they must never go out at night. In their fear of the unknown, and their desperation to survive, the true horror of the film reveals itself. Written and directed by Trey Edward Shults, It Comes at Night is bound to leave audiences divided. With its misleading title and its refusal to provide answers, many will no doubt find this to be a fruitless and frustrating film. However, if you’re willing to look beyond the film’s ambiguity, as I did, you may find…

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Requiem Series Review

When the BBC announced its New Year’s line-up of “McMafia”, “Hard Sun”, “Collateral” and “Requiem” there was a great deal of hype and hope for their upcoming drama slate. Unfortunately, all of them have been a complete waste of licence payer’s money and clear evidence that the broadcaster needs to take a long look at … Continue reading Requiem Series Review

Channel Zero Season Two: No-End House Review

In this age of box sets and binge marathons, one of the advantages of an anthology series is there’s no need to have seen season one to jump aboard season two because each is a standalone story. There is one actor who does return from last season but it’s not quite in the same league … Continue reading Channel Zero Season Two: No-End House Review

Channel Zero Season One: Candle Cove Review

To understand a show like “Channel Zero”, you need to understand its roots, especially in The Golden Age Of TelevisionTM where most everything tends to homage or borrow from something else; history, previous shows of a different era, another medium, or a mix and match of all of the above. Each season of “Channel Zero” … Continue reading Channel Zero Season One: Candle Cove Review

The Cloverfield Paradox (2018) Review

Most films are released, perhaps others…escape? “The Cloverfield Paradox” feels more like it was abandoned until Bad Robot found it in a dumpster. But even their judicious application of Cloverfield-brand sticky plasters couldn’t paper over this many cracks and, eventually, it was offloaded in a fire sale to Netflix. Credit to them, then, to realise … Continue reading The Cloverfield Paradox (2018) Review

Better Watch Out (2017) Review

Beaten to the Christmas punch by Netflix’ “The Babysitter”, “Better Watch Out” is the latest home inversion thriller to try to shake up the genre, a sort of festive slasher snow globe of adolescent toxic masculinity and entitlement. In the snowy suburbs, a babysitter finds herself having to defend her twelve-year-old charge from a home … Continue reading Better Watch Out (2017) Review

The Killing Of A Sacred Deer (2017) Review

Colin Farrell faces Rosemary’s Sophie’s Choice in “The Killing Of A Sacred Deer”, the latest movie from cinematic provoc-auteur Yorgos Lanthimos. Blending classic Greek tragedy, existential horror, psychological drama and medical thriller, it’s a challengingly twisted mystery, an Art-“House, M.D.” Dr Steven Murphy (Colin Farrell), a renowned cardiovascular surgeon lives a seemingly perfect life with … Continue reading The Killing Of A Sacred Deer (2017) Review

Jigsaw (2017) Review

I have some friends who are super into ‘Escape Room’ puzzles. I kind of wished they were with me when I saw “Jigsaw”, so they could offer me some tips on the fastest escape route from the cinema. It’s not quite cut-your-own-foot-off-to-avoid-watching bad, but it’s pretty close. Ten years after the notorious serial killer Jigsaw’s … Continue reading Jigsaw (2017) Review

Happy Death Day (2017) #MonthOfSpooks Review

For my final #MonthOfSpooks review of the year, I went to see one of the few horror movies which have been released in cinemas for Halloween this year, meaning I started with 1931’s “Dracula” and finished with 2017’s “Happy Death Day”. I ended up watching this film an hour or so after watching the latest episode … Continue reading Happy Death Day (2017) #MonthOfSpooks Review

I Am Alone (2015) #MonthOfSpooks Review

Hello cupcakes! Today I’m going to share with you my thoughts on indie zombie flick “I Am Alone”.  Bottom line with this film is I really enjoyed it.  It’s not perfect, but it’s well worth a watch. When an unknown virus begins infecting the local population almost instantly, the CDC uncovers footage of one man, … Continue reading I Am Alone (2015) #MonthOfSpooks Review

The Witches (1990) #MonthOfSpooks Review

Much as Ian Fleming did with “Dr. No”, Roald Dhal dismissed the film version of his novel “The Witches” as ‘utterly appalling’ and much like Fleming was, he’s was being far too harsh. When Luke’s parents are killed in a car accident, his Norwegian grandmother Helga (Mai Zetterling) accompanies him back to England, regaling him … Continue reading The Witches (1990) #MonthOfSpooks Review

Monster House (2006) #MonthOfSpooks Review

A family-friendly horror movie seems like an oxymoron, but it’s exactly what 2006’s “Monster House” is. It has all the hallmarks and ingredients you’d expect from a really good haunted house movie, it's structured exactly the way a 'real' horror movie would be, except you can watch it with your kids. When DJ, his best … Continue reading Monster House (2006) #MonthOfSpooks Review