Last Christmas (2019)’s heart is in the right place, but it still flatlines.

Based on the most Dad-joke reading possible of the first two lines of the Wham! song “Last Christmas”, Paul Feig’s slight rom-com wears its genre clichés on its sleeve and uses copious fairy lights and tinsel to distract from its threadbare plot. Kate (Emilia Clarke) is a cynical, self-destructive Christmas shop worker, estranged from her…

Holmes & Watson (2018) Review

The 1988 Michael Caine/ Ben Kingsley movie “Without A Clue” asked what would happen if Holmes was actually an idiot and Dr Watson was the genius but “Holmes & Watson” dares to ask what if they were both imbeciles, in a crass and witless farce? The answer is excrementary, my dear reader. When the trial…

Mary Poppins Returns (2018) is an exercise in Lucasian poetry

Assembled more like one of Disney’s current ‘live action’ adaptations of their animated back catalogue than a genuine sequel to the 1964 original, “Mary Poppins Returns” brings back cinema’s premiere Nanny to answer another Banks crisis. In Depression-era London, a now-grown Jane (Emily Mortimer) and Michael Banks (Ben Wishaw), along with Michael’s three children, face…

Patrick (2018) Review

“Patrick”, a featherweight new British comedy from the director of “Absolutely Fabulous: The Movie” is so smug that it might as well be subtitled ‘First World Problems: The Movie’.  It’s a mercy, then, that it’s so utterly oblivious to its own sense of self-satisfied privilege and so very, very bland that it’s hard to summon…

Darkest Hour (2018) Review

A British icon. A pivotal moment in history. A desperate race against time. “Darkest Hour” sheds some light on the earliest days of Winston Churchill’s premiership as Europe faced annihilation by the Nazi horde and the British political establishment teetered on the brink of self-destruction. This is no dry history lesson, though, thanks to a…

Assassin’s Creed (2017) Review

The last collaboration between Director Justin Kurzel and Michael Fassbender left me feeling cheated that they’d cut too much out of the Scottish Play, rushing through it for the film adaptation, so it’s with not a little irony that I had the exact opposite experience with this polished but ponderously dull video game adaptation. For…